#it can only really be diagnosed with surgery

[ramblingautisticman]

(Okay, for some reason, the repost where I was talking about this just...disapeard?? So here I go. Again. I'm just going to post it as a separate thing.)

(Also, Warning, talking about child hood cancer, experimentation and torture, and the other general dark Logan or Wade things.)

Okay! So- obviously, with the timeline, it wouldn't work- but I can just change that because why not?

Imagine Wade being diagnosed with cancer at 8. He has chemo and some surgeries, then for a good 2 years he is cancer free. Of course, though, it comes back at around 11. There isn't anything they can do this time, though. The surgeries won't work, and chemo will only prolong the inevitable, so Wade has to accept his fate. His parents get approached by someone who promises to cure Wade, though. All they need to do is sign over their legal rights in regards to him, so that's what they do. Sure, they cured him, but only after years of being tortured and experimented on. Wade thinks his parents didn't know at the beginning, but after the first few months, he started to question if they knew what this place was. His parents had never been kind people, and Wade quickly decided his parents probably didn't care what happened when they signed that waver. He survives, though. He gets his mutation, and eventually, the X-Men manages to find the facility that has been doing this. He's glad all of the other kids have been saved and most of them reunited with their parents- he had looked after half of them in that hell hole so he feels responsible for making sure they are all save wherever they go- and he goes back to the school with the other kids who don't have a home to go back to or just don't want to go back home. It's weird to be a whole 17 years of age and not knowing how to function in the world. He knows how to survive, but that's about it. So, it's a struggle to settle into the mansion at first, but he quickly takes on the role of bigger brother to the younger kids. And yeah, he finds it hard to interact with the people his own age, too terrified to deal with the possible riddicule of how he looks.

Logan's been there awhile. He was found by the Professor after a few news articles popped up about some 'strange deaths' and he had investigated. No one at the school knows much about him- they know he lived in the woods for a year when he was 13, and that the Professor found him- but that's about it. Practically all the students avoid him like the plague in the halls and at meal times. It's not that Logan tries to talk to the others anyway, and he doesn't really want too. He's used to being a lone wolf. He keeps to himself, doesn't want to deal with others shit, and he plans to keep it that way. He's gonna leave this place as soon as he is 18 next year. He isn't even sure where he would go, but he refuses to join the X-Men. He can't bring himself too- to many accidents with the claws and panic attacks to be able to help people.

Naturally, Wade decides that Logan is the person he is going to befriend. Even if the idea of being judged terrifies him, he can't help but be interested in the quiet brooding bad boy.

[girlblocker]

i hate womens health… how have none of you doctor freaks figured out what causes endometriosis by now

[wheelchairtetris]

hmm yet another experience of looking to see how other ppl deal w similar neuro symptoms to mine and finding endless "have you looked into eds?" comments followed by almost exclusively advice for treating eds symptoms and not my very much not eds neuro symptoms

[kerosene-saint]

I wish I wasn't chronically ill :[

[thebibliosphere]

Hey! I know that this isn't something you struggle with but since a lot of your other followers are disabled as well, it would mean a lot to me if you could publish this ask since I'd like to see if anyone else experiences anything similar to what I'm going through. I'm not asking for anyone to armchair diagnose me, I'd just appreciate not feeling so alone and scared and confused. My general physician is claiming that my anxiety is causing the issues I'll describe but I call bullshit on that:

About two years ago, cca 4 months after my top surgery, my body stopped being able to process oil. Whenever I'd eat anything that was made with oil of any kind, I'd get cramps in the abdomen after a while and I'd get diarrhea. Caffeine started to do this also but in a smaller intensity. I had a hysterectomy a bit after that and they checked my kidneys and liver so I know that those are both ok and not the cause. I also got checked for Celiac since it runs in the family. Because the issue wasn't getting worse and my then general physician was always dismissive, I let it be. When I wasn't having diarrhea, I was constipated, though I did have a bowel movement like once or twice a week. Fast forward to now. In August, it suddenly got a lot worse. At first, even a single drop of oil would make me feel ill. Then, the time period got longer - currently the cramps and the pain last for 48 hours afterwards. I also became unable to digest animal fats, the only meat I can eat is lean chicken and fish. Afterwards, gluten became an issue (Celiac is still negative), and then nuts as well.

My new GP, even though she believes it to be anxiety, gave me Itopride, and it worked for about 3 weeks - I had no cramps, pain, exhaustion, gas or bloating after eating, and I had a bowel movement once a day. But it stopped working two days ago, again without a reason, and the effects started being less effective about a week ago. Even when taking the meds, I have a movement only once in about 8 days, and laxatives make me gassy but nothing happens. I'm also not sure about this, but it seems that chicken is no longer safe either.

I think it's important that if I don't take Itopride, I never even feel the urge to go, so when I say that I've always been constipated, I mean that I don't even feel the need to have a movement. Lately, when I take Itopride, I do get the urge that I do always get when taking it, but it's like I can't go, so I always feel full.

I just feel super scared and I have no idea what's going on. I admit that I have a history of eating disorders (in recovery since May) and I did abuse laxatives about a year ago, but I don't think it was enough to cause such serious issues? I used to take them like once a week and for about 3-4 months.

I'd really appreciate knowing if anyone has ever experienced anything similar or knows about anything like this because I feel like my life is in shambles - can't go outside for long because I might need the toilet suddenly, or I'm in too much pain to walk, I'm afraid to eat, I often feel repulsive, I don't know what might happen in a month, I am becoming incapable of taking care of myself and my flat because I'm just so goddamn tired.

Ooft, I’m sorry. It sounds like you’ll need a colonoscopy to figure this one out, so if you haven’t had one yet, really push for a referral.

Fwiw, I do experience something like this, but it’s from mast cell inflammation in my GI tract. The doc prescribed me bentyl for when things flare up but I’m also on a fiber supplement (citrucel. It’s a lot gentler than other types) to try and keep that from happening. Also if you’re low on b vitamins, your stomach sometimes stops digesting food, so maybe also ask about getting your levels checked. Taking an additional b2 supplement means I can process fats and oils again which I couldn’t before.

I’m not saying this to be like “this is what you have” just throwing them out there as suggestions that might help you piece together what might be wrong.

I hope you get more helpful comments in the notes 💖

[ms-demeanor]

IDK that I've ever put it in one post before, but here's the transplant speedrun.

1 - Valentines day 2021, he's admitted to the hospital. We take a pre-hospital selfie then I shave his head and he shaves his beard because he doesn't want to deal with hair at the hospital. Me and his mom drop him off; at that point you can only visit someone as they are actually dying and we're told that he's going to stay in the hospital until he gets a transplant or he dies, and if he's rejected as a transplant recipient he'll receive palliative care in this hospital.

2 - First week of March, they allow patients to have one screened visitor; this is our first visit - I take photos in the hospital to show his mom because at this point he has a pump in his shoulder and it is difficult for him to move his arms to use his phone. He has also been confined to a bed since the week he arrived because he's on the ECMO machine, so he can't walk or move around, though they stand him up every once in a while. At one point one of the ecmo tubes pulls out of his femoral artery, which is Not! Great! He also needed a blood transfusion about every two days at that point, which worried the doctors because it increased his likelihood of rejecting. But he had been approved for transplant at that point!

The first thing he said to me on this visit was "look, I have abs" and then he showed me his abs because it turns out when you're really really dying of heart failure your body begins to eat itself.

3 - Now That's What I Call Jaundice (cardiac cirrhosis is liver failure as a result of heart failure and it's pretty much the big giant neon flashing sign of heart failure that says "hey you're fucking dying" so if you've got heart failure and your bilirubin number is off or the whites of your eyes are yellow please kick up a gigantic stink until they check your liver; large bastard's GP, who is my doctor, who I hate, saw his bloodwork with a very high bilirubin number a month before he was diagnosed with cardiac cirrhosis and wrote it off as a testing fluke fuck that guy)

4 - Don't let the sad face fool you, he's acting pathetic so that his mom will stop yelling about the fact that I'm bringing him cookies. He's allowed to have cookies. At that point he weighed 98kg and was outsourcing his heartbeat, he was allowed to eat whatever he wanted. (have i mentioned that I was moving us from Vegas to LA at this time? I was bringing him cookies because I'd baked hundreds of peanut butter cookies and other cookies to use up the flour, sugar, and peanut butter in the vegas house)

5 - Mid-march, he's got a match! He called me when I was in Vegas filling up the truck with another load and I drove right back and to the hospital. Once he went in for surgery I drove to his mom's house and crashed, then woke up and drove to our storage unit and unpacked the truck while I waited to hear from the doctors. I was unloading a bookcase when I got the call. (There wasn't any point in waiting alone in the hospital for sixteen hours; either he was going to make it or he wasn't and someone was going to have to unload the truck at some point. People have been weird about this, like I should have been sitting at his side all the time, but there was a two-hour daily limit for most visits and look i have sat in a waiting room while this dude had a thirteen hour surgery i do not need a repeat of that experience without the soothing balm of nicotine getting me through it; so unloading a truck it was)

6 - Two days after surgery and kind of mad about it. His chest hurt a lot (obviously) but, like, a lot a lot because they'd had to open him up for the bypass just two years earlier.

7 - First walk outside of his room after transplant in early April; he needed a LOT of PT because of how much muscle he'd lost. He lost sixty pounds in the hospital before the surgery, and only gained back about twenty while he was in there.

8 - A visit from the tiny doggo

9 - I come to visit and I've got a new phone with a portrait mode so he steals it and takes stupid pictures for a few minutes. Dude is bored and restless; this is in late april and he's feeling well enough to be moody. ETA: There is a jar of pickles in front of him because he'd been fluid limited for a long time and his salt levels were off and when he got to the hospital they were like "you need electrolytes and a lot of salt" and he was like "sweetheart can you please please please bring me delicious salty things" so I was bringing him jars of pickled mushrooms and garlic stuffed olives and just a huge number of pickles that he kept trying to share with the nurses. "Alli brought the mushrooms again; would you like a pickled mushroom? I have fancy toothpicks to share them with!"

10 - He comes home for the first time in early May; he ends up getting readmitted two more times because of complications before finally being released in early July. ETA: The second time he got readmitted it was for something that he wasn't at all worried about but that they needed to monitor for a couple weeks so he was *SO BORED* and actually feeling pretty okay; so at one point when I was leaving the parking garage at 8pm my car wouldn't start, I did some troubleshooting with the manual and the internet and didn't figure it out, so I called him and he tried to troubleshoot over the phone and got frustrated and was begging his nurses to let him come out to the parking structure to work on my car (they refused) - I ended up getting a tow and fixing it when I replaced the battery terminals.

Photos are all posted with his permission.

Also I dyed my hair purple between photos one and two because it's his favorite color. I also bought a blue dress, red tights, and yellow shoes to wear to visit him because he always teases me for wearing so much black.

I just love him a lot. It was a hard couple years there, but things are getting better.

[mavrintarou]

[3:33 PM] Suna Rintarou [1]

OKAY. I started something. I don't know where it's going but it's going to go somewhere.

Warning: TW - death & kidney failure disease, angst, daddy Rin (literally)

.

Rin sits with his face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his trembling knees as he tries to process the news he just received just ten minutes ago. It was the best news he’d heard in what felt like an eternity.

A matching kidney donor has been found for his little girl, Ren.

Eight months ago, his five-year-old daughter was diagnosed with kidney failure and began treatment right away. Rin and his wife did their best to stay strong and hopeful for her, but things only seemed to get worse.

Six months ago, he lost his wife and mother-in-law in a car accident. In such a short time, life had completely turned upside down for both Rin and his daughter. With trembling hands, Rin dialed his mother’s number, and she answered on the first ring.

“Rintarou?”

“Mom,” his voice cracked, and immediately, he was bombarded with questions. “No, no—everything is still the same… but I just got good news from the hospital…” he took a deep breath. They found a donor match for Ren. We’ll be going to the hospital tomorrow to get more information.”

“Oh, that is wonderful news. Thank the Gods,” she cried.

.

“The donor match currently lives in the US.”

Rin’s heart collapsed, “so… what does that mean?”

“When we submit test results to find a match, we don’t limit the search to within the country – it’s worldwide. We always consider the possibility that a match could come from anywhere,” Ren’s doctor explained, reminding them when they had agreed to allow any match. He gave a half-chuckle as if the situation amused him. “This is a unique case. The donor, a female adult, just so happens to be a vascular surgeon who specializes in kidney transplant patients. And now, she is getting first-hand experience.”

“Really?” Rin gasped.

The doctor nodded, “yes, I spoke to her directly this morning and she will fly out here with the time comes, so you do not need to worry about taking Ren abroad.”

A shaky breath is expelled from his chest and he looks down at his daughter who seems to be unaware of the conversation, just watching her iPad. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“If…” Ren’s doctor hesitated before continuing, “if you don’t mind me asking, Mr. Suna, I cannot reveal certain details I can’t disclose, but when I saw the donor’s match results, I was honestly stunned.”

Rin’s head tilted as he frowned, “why do you say that?”

The doctor frowned slightly and scratched the back of his head. “I recall when we were conducting tests, your family members all agreed to come in and see if they were a match for Ren. Was that… all of the family members?”

All immediate family members were tested as soon as Rin and his wife found out they weren’t a match for their daughter. Rin’s brow furrowed. “Yes, my wife was an only child raised by her mother. Her parents divorced, and she hasn’t seen her father since she was one year old. I only have one sister and my parents. Why? Is there a problem?”

“No problem at all, the donor has matched the blood, tissue, and antibody types and is currently undergoing a health test, and as soon as they pass, we can move forward with the next steps.”

.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?” Rin murmured as he carried her into their home. With her treatment, she is often tired and vulnerable. She would sleep at odd times throughout the day.

“Am I going to get better?”

“Yes, baby. You are,” he promised, “you’re going to get better very soon.”

.

Three weeks later felt long, but according to the doctor, it was an incredibly fast process.

The donor was on their way and will arrive in a few hours. They will have to conduct one final test before proceeding to the surgery.

Rin has offered to pay for their stay while they’re in the country but they have politely declined.

 He was thankful for this person but understood why they would like to remain anonymous.

“Some donor wants to remain anonymous to protect their confidentiality and protect the recipient.”

For some reason, Rin felt an overwhelming, eager desire to meet this donor. His heart yearned to encounter this person.

.

“Go, go enjoy a night out with the twins.”

Ren hugged her teddy bear tightly, “you’ll be back later to tuck me in?”

Rin nodded, crouching down to her eye level. “Just tonight, grandma will tuck you in, is that okay?”

She nodded, “okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, baby, I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be home later but just late after your bedtime.” He kisses her forehead, “I’m just going out with uncle Osamu and Atsumu for their birthday.”

“Okay,” she answered with a  small smile, “tell them I miss them.”

Rin smiles, “I will, good night.”

.

“Thank the Gods my baby girl found a donor!” Atsumu slapped a hand over his heart. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all week.”

Osamu raised his glass of beer, “cheers boys, cheers to baby girl matching a donor.”

They all raised their glasses in sync. “Thank you, it’s wonderful news and everything is going well.”

“Are you going to meet the donor?” Atsumu asked.

Rin shook his head, “no, they want to remain anonymous.”

“So, that means you guys will never know this person who is giving their kidney to Ren?”

Rin nodded his head, “correct. It’s unfortunate, I really wish I could meet them to thank them but the best I can do is give them a card, maybe?”

“That’s a bummer,” Osamu muttered, “I understand where they’re coming from but it’s not like… you guys know each other, you know? What’s so bad about meeting each other.”

“I’m not sure either, but I’ll respect their wishes, it’s the least I can do after all they are doing for my baby girl,” Rin says, twisting his wedding band around his finger.

.

After parting ways with the twins, Rin decided to take a walk. He stuffed his hands into his jacket, the nights have become colder and colder. His wife’s favorite scarf hung loosely around his neck. It was one of the few items of hers that still had her scent and on days that he missed her more than usual, he would wear it, feeling a little closer to her.

It has been a while since he has gone out with the boys, let alone have some good beer and relax. It was much needed and he felt the buzz kick in.

It was a weekend and downtown was busy with a live crowd.

Normally he would avoid the crowd but something was pulling him towards that direction.

With a soft sigh, his feet began moving. He didn’t know where he was going, but he was going somewhere.

He needed to sober up before calling for a taxi, not wanting to return home intoxicated.

As he headed towards the busy part of town, it was like he was going through memory lane.

He is suddenly reminded of when he met his late wife Sumi seven years ago. They were set up through Osamu and his wife, Hayumi, and immediately hit it off. They married a year and a half later and welcomed their daughter shortly after.

Everything was going well, they were a happy family.

His heart nearly broke when his daughter was diagnosed with a disease that could take her away from him. His career was put on pause and he put his focus on his daughter alongside his wife.

His whole world completely shattered when he received the news his wife and mother-in-law were involved in a fatal car accident trying to make it to their daughter’s treatment.

He felt like a shell, barely living. The only thing keeping him going every day was his daughter.

A rush of school girls ran towards him, excitedly screaming as they recognized him.

“Oh my gosh! You’re Suna Rintarou!”

“Can I have your autograph!”

“Can we have a picture with you!”

Suddenly sobering up, Rin accepted the marker from one of the girls, signing his name and forcing a smile for the cameras.

“Goodness,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of life knowing he was still admired and recognized in the volleyball world.

“Excuse me, did you drop this?” A hand holding Sumi’s scarf.

“Oh,” Rin said, instinctively reaching for the scarf that was no longer around his neck. As he extended his hand to grasp it, he glanced at the person offering him. “Thank… you.”

At that moment, his world froze. It had been happening a lot lately, but this time, he truly felt everything stop. Time itself seemed to stand still as he stared into the eyes of the person before him.

How?

“Sumi?”

Her brow rose, “excuse me?” She blinked and then looked at the scarf and then up at him confused.

Rin grasped her shoulders, his eyes wide. “Sumi. Sumi?”

His grip around her tightened. His eyes scan her face. The eyes, the nose, the lips… everything looked exactly like his wife.

His breath heaved heavily, cold air burning his lungs.

He searched her eyes, finding anything that would prove it was his wife.

“You…” she breathed, her breath clouded the cold night.

He was unable to read her expression. Her eyes narrowed, in the way Sumi’s would when he and Ren was playing a trick on her.

His heart ache.

His hands drop and he turns away. “Fuck, I’m sorry,” he rubbed his face with his hands.

He was drunk.

He was hallucinating.

He turned around and the person was still standing there, looking at him with concern and hesitation. “Are you… okay?”

She looked so much like Sumi.

Exactly like her.

“You…” he blinked, tears blurring his vision. “You look - look so much like… my late wife.”

“I think you have the wrong person, I’m sorry.” She shoved the scarf into his arm and hurried away.

.

“Is something wrong?” Rin asked his daughter’s doctor who seemed to be distracted, unlike himself.

“No, Mr. Suna.”

Rin wasn’t convinced.

He had been unconvinced by anything since two nights ago when he ran into a woman who looked identical to his late wife.

Nothing made sense.

He swears by his life that he was not dreaming or hallucinating.

She looked exactly like his wife.

“It was strange,” Rin mumbled, his eyes fixed on the chipped wood of the desk. “The other night… I ran into a woman…” he trailed off, unsure of where he was going with this conversation with his daughter’s doctor. “She looked…”

“Just like your late wife.”

Rin’s eyes met the doctor’s eyes. “You’ve met her too?”

His breath caught before he softly replied, “that is your daughter’s donor.” A heavy silence settled between them. “I had a video call with her and couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought maybe… I was – seeing things? That was a similarity but then again, we were on a virtual call.” He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I met her… in person, this morning… and she shocked the living shit out of me.”

. . .

E/n: to try and combat this writing slump, I'll be posting random writings to get back so bear with me on this bandwagon.

@queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[moonstruckme]

Hey luv!! Saw your requests open and was curious if could do modern au w poly!marauders and nonbinary!reader who wants and gets top surgery. If not thats okay, just ignore!! 💋

Hi! As always with these, I have limited knowledge so please lmk if there's any inaccuracies or insensitivities! I'd be happy to fix them :) And thank you for requesting sweetheart <33

cw: reader is recovering from major surgery, vaguely suggestive (but barely)

poly!marauders x nb!reader ♡ 864 words

James hops over the back of the couch as soon as you and Remus get in the door, instantly assailing you with tenderness. 

“How’d the appointment go?” he asks, providing a hand you don’t really need to go sit down on the couch. 

“Good,” you say honestly. You can hear Sirius coming down the stairs a second before he appears, giving you a quick up-down to assess your state before grinning at you. 

“Feeling good?” 

You laugh. “Yeah,” you reiterate, “it went well.” 

Remus chuckles, passing a sympathetic hand over your head as he rounds the couch to sag into the armchair. Your boyfriends are infinitely sweet in their attentions, but they’ve been treating your first post-op appointment like it’s Christmas. 

“So, is it off?” Sirius asks eagerly. 

You smile, nodding. “The vest is off, but I’ve still got the bandages until probably next week.” 

James’ knee immediately sets to bouncing as he takes a seat beside you. “Can we see?” 

“I’ve already seen,” Remus says smugly. 

James’ excitement fizzes in the air around you, and Sirius stalks toward you with purpose. A familiar tingle of apprehension skips over your skin as he leaps upon you, planting a knee on either side of your hips to keep from actually putting any of his weight on your lap. The couch springs groan in protest. Remus echoes them. 

“If you break our furniture, you’re buying the new stuff,” he warns. 

Sirius ignores him, fingering the button at the collar of your shirt. “May I?”

“Only if you quit flirting with me,” you say. 

“Christ,” James’ head lolls back on the couch cushion, “with those terms, we’ll never get to see.” 

But Sirius is already undoing your top, slender fingers making quick work of the buttons before he’s opening it up. You let the sleeves fall down your shoulders, unable to tamp down your own smile at the sight of your torso. 

“Fuck, baby,” Sirius breathes, running his thumb along the skin just underneath the bandages. Even though he’d seen your chest back at the doctor’s office, Remus leans forward in his chair to peek around James. “You look so good.” 

“I said no flirting,” you try to joke, but his eyes are earnest when they meet yours. 

“I mean it,” he says. 

Your face heats, a pleasant warmth blooming behind the bandages. 

“You really do,” James agrees. He’s looking from your chest to your face like he’s matching them up in his head. “You’re so perfect like this, angel.” 

You smile at him. “You’ve always said that, Jamie.” 

“I have,” he admits. “I mean, you’ve always been perfect, but you’re so you now, it’s like…” His smile unfurls, beatific, and your face scrunches up in apprehension a second before his smacking kiss lands on your cheek. “You’re perfecter than perfect.” 

“Cheesy,” you diagnose, the warmth of your skin increasing. “But thank you, sweetheart.” 

“Mm, you don’t look like you think it’s cheesy,” Sirius says, cupping the back of your neck and grinning at the heat he finds there. “You look quite pleased, actually.” 

“I can be both,” you counter. 

“I like seeing you this pleased.” James presses another, gentler, kiss to your temple. “You’ve seemed so happy since the surgery. I feel like I didn’t realize what we were missing out on before.” 

You tilt your head back against the cushions, looking at him. “Have I really?” You’ve certainly felt happier, but most of the time since your surgery has been spent in bed, alternately asking your boyfriends for help and complaining about how much help you need. 

James looks surprised you’d even ask, and Remus says, “Of course, dove. You carry yourself so differently, you thought we wouldn’t notice?” 

You feel your lips quirk, imagining yourself hobbling around during the walks James had forced you to go on because the doctor recommended it. “You mean like an elderly person?” 

“He means like a sure person,” Sirius says, and his gaze could melt you to the bone as it rakes from your chest up to your face. “You seem more at home in yourself.” He grins crookedly. “It’s hot.” 

“Easy.” James gives Sirius’ shoulder a little nudge. “They’re still not cleared for any of your depravities.” 

“Don’t know what you mean,” Sirius murmurs, bending to smear a kiss over the corner of your mouth. “Also, they haven’t said that yet. What did they say during your appointment, baby?” 

“I doubt that would fall under the list of sanctioned activities.” You’re unable to keep the tinge of giddiness from your voice, and your dastardly boyfriend grins at hearing it. “I’m still not allowed to do much. I thought I’d be able to shower this week, but no.” 

Sirius lights up at the last bit, and you narrow your eyes. Remus groans. 

“What?” you ask. 

“Now you’ve done it,” Remus says, managing to sound completely exasperated despite the humor in his eyes. 

“What?” you repeat, alarm increasing as Sirius’ grin spreads. 

James pats your shoulder consolingly, seeming to have also caught onto whatever’s made your boyfriend so happy. 

“I’ve found the perfect solution to our problem, sweetpea,” Sirius says, tone already wheedling. “I’ll just give you sponge baths.”

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

I'm so sick of pro anas glorifying anorexia by saying how "wonderful" and "lovely" it is to feel empty. This feeling does not last.. there might be a very short "honeymoon phase" with your restrictive ED where you think you're being "strong" and "pure" by starving when you first start losing weight, but it ends.. QUICK. I spent 13 years feeling what they described should make me feel "pure" and "lovely" and I HATED EVERY MOMENT. I was miserable, I developed organ damage, osteopenia, lost a good portion of my hair, my joints and ligaments are destroyed, my face was covered in lanugo, my gums recessed so bad my skull was exposed- clearly that would be painful, and it was- it got so bad I needed expensive, not covered by insurance surgery, which was the beginning of my recovery. Starving is never worth it. Now that I'm in recovery sure I gained weight, but I also gained satiety from food every day multiple times a day (which I can confirm feels better than starving), holidays don't scare me so much anymore, I eat more and exercise less than I have in 13 years and life is so much better. Weight is the least of what I've gained in recovery- I've gained the ability to eat at restaurants, not always know the calories of what I'm eating, a sense of humor (now that I'm not constantly angry/irritable that I feel like shit 24/7), a better relationship with my husband, and all the little joys that food, especially holidays surrounding food, can bring to our lives. If you reach your "ugw" and get diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, it is not an accomplishment. It is a sickness that will destroy your family, other relationships, body, and mind. Recovery or death are the only ways out of anorexia, and as I've recently learned through trial and error, I do not, in fact, want to die. I want to live- to wake up next to the love of my life and my cats, to have at least 3 meals a day so I'm never running on empty; it's amazing. Recovery is worth it, always- anorexia never is. So stop promoting it as some sort of badge of honor; it's not. Recover while you can, because 1/5 of anorexics die- either by starvation or suicide. I've been closer than anyone ever should be to dying of both. Being thin is not the most important thing in life, it really doesn't matter as much as the sickness in your mind convinces you it does. So get better, before your body and mind are so ravaged by your ED that there's no way out anymore.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for using my status as an agender person to get a surgery I want although I do not want it for gender-related issues ?

TW : talk of uterus, menstrual cycles and menstrual blood

I'll start by saying this is not the US so please don't make your judgement based on that. I'll describe how things are in my country.

So I (X24) want my uterus removed. The main reason is that I want to be sterilised to stop having so much anxiety about becoming pregnant, which would be a nightmare for me, and I never ever want this to happen again.

But I can't get any other form of sterilisation as then I would keep my uterus, so I would keep my period, and without hormonal treatment it's just not liveable. To give you an idea, my natural cycles are 21 days instead of 28, I get my period for 7 days instead of 5 and it can be hemorrhagic for up to 4 days of these 7. (I used to get post-op medication because of the hemorrhagia before I was under contraception.) And of course I get through excruciating pain every time, beside having iron deficiency among other things. I'm currently trying another hormonal contraception, it's still not going well. There is always something wrong. My first pill just stopped working, the next ones made me gain 20kg, I'm currently trying hormonal IUD and although I don't bleed as much, I bleed for so long and there is so much pain that no available painkillers can block. I'm so tired. I can't imagine going through that for another 15 to 25 years.

In my country, it is written in law that you are allowed to be sterilised using various methods, all of which keep the uterus. Nothing is said for hysterectomy as a sterilisation method. And although many refuse to sterilise you at all, if you find the right surgeon you can be no matter your age. The procedure is also fully reimbursed. Nothing is said in law about hysterectomy.

This means that the vast majority of surgeons won't remove your uterus. Except if you have a pathology related to it or if you're trans (coming back to that later).

So what I described above does look like a uterus with a pathology, right? It certainly looks like endometriosis at least. I went to a surgeon known for doing the other kinds of sterilisation and tried to convince him to just remove my uterus. He refused, not without an asserted pathology. To his credit, he looked for it. He had me take an MRI. Well, they found nothing.

Which means that, although I have a pretty dysfunctional uterus that I never want to use and just keeps causing me problems, he won't remove it. Because they can't find the cause. Even though I feel completely alienated from my body because of that damn organ that keeps trying to make me bear children and will have me bleed out and in pain when I won't allow it.

Then there is the other solution. I said above you could get surgery if you are trans. It's actually a bit more complicated that that. In order to get HRT and gender affirming surgery, you first need to get diagnosed with body dysphoria by a psychiatrist. And then you get a special status in our health system that allows you to get free access to all kinds of things in the medical field (like surgery and HRT) and beyond (like laser depilation).

As I said, I'm agender. They give this status to nonbinary people so my specific flavour of gender (or lack thereof) is not the issue. But I don't have body dysphoria, only social dysphoria. People misgendering me to my face will make me feel horrible but I don't see my body as gendered. My breasts and specifically my uterus are not something that I see as gendered, so they're not something that causes me distress in terms of gender-related issues. Which means as psychiatrist is never going to diagnose me with gender dysphoria as is, and I won't have access to hysterectomy through trans care.

Except if I fake it.

Now, I have no idea if it could even work. If I could even fool someone. But I've been considering trying because I really, really want to get rid of that damn uterus. And technically, I wouldn't be faking my gender identity. Just expanding on my dysphoria. Still, it feels wrong. I wouldn't transition in any other way except removing the uterus. This path doesn't feel like it's mine to take. I feel it would be disrespectful towards actual, dysphoric trans people.

So, what do you say Tumblr ? WIBTA if I tried it anyway ?

What are these acronyms?

[cupcakeatsea]

I’m not the only one to have questions about whether Doctor Odyssey is some sort of alternative reality or not. Honestly I’m not sure - part of me hopes for the silly, sexy boat show to just be that, but another part hopes for some sort of twist. So I’m going to brain dump my thoughts here to bring some people along for the ride.

Firstly, what situation are we actually watching? If this isn’t a normal cruise ship, what’s happening?

Theory number 1 is that this is Dr Max Bankman’s coma dream. And I definitely see why this is the most popular. He’s the main character and the Covid flashbacks are vague and dreamlike compared to the way the rest is shot. But while this feels most obvious alternative reality, Ryan Murphy also co -created Grotesquerie which is a coma dream. So I’d be seriously surprised if that was used twice in two separate tv shows from the same person in the last 6 months. NGL I’ll be kind of pissed if I watch this happen twice so close together.

Second theory, and what I’m leaning towards is this is some kind of afterlife. References to the ship being a “paradise”, to it being like “heaven” and to the crew being “guardian angels”. Capt Massey takes his responsibility to the passengers extremely seriously and tells Max as much so the safety of all on board is really important. It’s also considered a “once in a lifetime” trip, which yeah, it would be if you’re dead. I like the idea that it’s ferrying the dead to their place of rest.

So now I’m going to go into some of the reasons I think something is off with this ship.

All the main cast have had near death experiences. Max with Covid, Avery with appendicitis, Tristan with CO2 poisoning and even Capt Massey with his broken heart syndrome. I know in any medical based drama the main cast will have close calls but this is within the first 6 episodes. Suspicious…

We never see anyone board or disembark from the ship. It’s strange to not even have generic establishing shots of people walking up near the ship, to have a green screened few shots of the crew on a harbour side, to have any moment of people coming on or off the ship even as a suggestion. Everyone comes in through the trippy tunnel and that’s it. Now, either I’m too poor to even comprehend such an impressive entryway or this is a visual of “going down the tunnel to the light”. Because I don’t think any cruise ship in existence has an entry like that.

“But Cupcake”, I hear you say, “what about the scenes off the boat? On the islands and beaches?” Well, we might see them on a speedboat if we’re lucky, but not actual shots of leaving or getting on the ship. And we only ever see crew or passengers from the ship at these destinations. The big one here is the passenger whose arm gets trapped in the cave - where are the local emergency services? Where’s the coastguard? An emergency helicopter of some sort? Why is the medical crew of a cruise ship doing extreme emergency rescues? We hear about all these incredible destinations they stop at but we see nothing of them and no outsiders to the ship (the couple lost at sea are sort of an exception but I think you can work it into the theory).

Next thing is something specifically brought up by Sam that I follow on TikTok for 911 stuff (vampirebuckley on X). Dr Max has to be lying about his award for cleft palate surgery (he’s the wrong kind of doctor for that), or it’s a fantasy of being exceptional. But I extend that to all the medical crew. They’re qualified and experienced enough to perform surgery (skin infection debridement and appendectomy), and they have such broad and in-depth medical knowledge they can diagnose (potential) tropical diseases and Huntington’s? Not forgetting they have a CT machine ON A CRUISE SHIP. I’m no medical professional, all I’ve done is watch medical tv shows, but this is out there even for this genre. It’s like the fantasy of being exceptional in your field, but all of this is just insane for a cruise ship however luxurious it is.

Lastly, the name of the show. The word odyssey literally means an arduous journey. Homer’s The Odyssey is about Odysseus facing many trials as he makes his way home from war. Sure, it could just be a cool sounding name or it could be a hint. Also why I’m leaning towards a ferrying the dead situation because that still holds some danger in trying to get everyone to the other side safely whereas the ship just being heaven would be a bit too final and lacking the risk factor a medical show needs.

If you read all this, thank you! I’m new to all this theorising stuff and I honestly might be terrible at it but this was fun. And even if I’m wrong and it just the sexy throuple boat show, I’ll still watch and enjoy the hell out of it.

[torialefay]

maybe this is too niche but the most random thoughts keep popping into my head?? idk but i must share them.

these are the types of doctors i think stray kids would be, based on different doctors' stereotypes (from the pov of a medical student):

chan: sports medicine 🏀⚽️

• description: physicians with training in areas related to treating and preventing injuries and health issues associated with sports, exercise, or strenuous physical activity

• stereotype: athlete-turned-doctor. the less extreme brother of the orthopedic specialists. get to meet a wide range of people and are well-liked. very passionate about sports and physical health. dress really nice and know their ass looks great in their tight pants. probably has memorized all the stats of their favorite teams. ACTUALLY very intelligent and not just a meat head.

minho: forensic pathologist 🩸

• description: subspecialist in pathology whose area of special competence is the examination of persons who die suddenly, unexpectedly or violently. The forensic pathologist is an expert in determining cause and manner of death.

• stereotype: honestly just leave them tf alone. they just wanna do their thing... without you there, just come find them when they've figured it out. nice but also scarred forever. a little fucked up in the head but much needed. no one understands how they're able to do their job tbh. able to conjure up the most morbid situations. kinda freaky but in a respected way. you should be concerned if they stare at you for too long.

changbin: orthopedist (aka orthopedic surgeon aka "ortho bro") 🦴

• description: medical specialist who focuses on injuries and diseases affecting your musculoskeletal system (bones, muscles, joints and soft tissues). although this type of doctor is a surgeon, they often help people get relief with nonsurgical therapies.

• stereotype: the "bro"est of the bros. always talking about their new workout routine or equipment with the other ortho bros. will out-eat you any day of the week. probably has a hot spouse. will be blasting their workout playlist for hours on end in the operating room. honestly just want to do surgeries so they can play with the tools. could fight off an entire army with the amount of protein powder they consume on the daily.

hyunjin: dermatologist 💉

• description: medical doctor who specializes in conditions that affect the skin, hair, and nails.

• stereotype: distinguished and better than you. better than everyone else. can be nice, but can also be cold depending in the person. only uses the best hair products. the specialty is very competitive, but you're 99% sure they got in with pretty privilege. owns 7 cars, but their sunday car is their favorite. sells $90 moisturizer at the check-in counter. most definitely is also certified in botox and filler and will give you a discount on your injections if you compliment them enough.

han: psychiatrist 💆🏻

• description: medical doctor who can prescribe, direct, or administer psychotherapeutic treatments or medications to treat mental, emotional, or behavioral disorders.

• stereotype: actually does give a fuck about you. you can tell them the most fucked up shit and they honestly will not be surprised in the slightest. quirky to a fault. knows how to make you feel special. very #relatable. sacrifices their own mental health for the sake of yours. cannot do math. just wants world peace. mentally diagnoses everyone they meet with a personality disorder.

felix: gynecologist 👛

• description: physician who specializes in diagnosing and treating diseases of the female reproductive system.

• stereotype: will be kind to you and work for the promotion of women's health. never makes you feel uncomfortable and tries to make you feel more secure in an environment that can seem scary. has very expensive bags. their children are very successful, but in a humble way. emotionally intelligent. wishes they had more time to bake. an advocate. seem sweet, but if you cross them, they can drag you through the absolute mud. may or may not have a rhinestone cup collection.

seungmin: general surgeon 🔪

• description: doctor and surgeon who’s trained to diagnose and manage a broad array of medical conditions before, during, and after surgery (preoperative, operative and postoperative care), often as leaders of a team.

• stereotype: literally just trying to get you cut open, close you up, and leave. has 27 different playlists to listen to in the operating room. may or may not flirt with the other staff. got this job bc they cannot handle people telling them what to do. will humble you so quickly. other besties are also surgeons. has very niche interests. weird sense of humor that not everyone gets but they still have to laugh because they are scared of him.

innie: neurologist 🧠

• description: medical doctor who diagnoses, treats and manages disorders of the brain and nervous system.

• stereotype: a little peculiar, but very smart. takes a long time to get an appointment with them. probably thinks you are a little dumb, but tries to be nice anyways. hard to make friends. has an amplitude of medications that they are legally not supposed to have. their children are most definitely overachievers. would not trust you to bring an important dish to the potluck. has the cutest shoes. dabbles in unexpected kinks.

(descriptions gotten from various websites hehe)

[bibibbon]

Inko midoriya is a bad mum

Yeah you heard it right inko is a bad mother. Look Iam not saying that inko is abusive but Iam saying that she isn't a good mother. YOU CAN CARE FOR YOUR CHILD AND LOVE THEM BUT STILL BE A BAD PARENT.

Somehow doesn't realise the severe bullying izuku went through and him being beat up since the age of 4. Iam so very concerned and confused on how inko never noticed that izuku was getting beat up when coming back home from the park or school it literally makes no sense to me like?!?! It's not like she even works she is a literal stay at home mum so how did she not notice for a good 10+years of izukus life?

Didn't really do anything about protecting her son until he got a quirk. The only time we actually see inko advocating for her son is AFTER He got his quirk. Look I think quirkless discrimination could of been a thing but seriously this series doesn't treat it like it is like this stuff only happened to izuku and I don't get why she never went to aldera and complained or why she didn't re-enroll her son into another school. How am I supposed to believe that she is somehow a helicopter parent when stuff like this happens and the fact that the plot doesn't allow her to take izuku out of ua and instead somewhat demonised her for that is sad.

She is very emotionally dependent on izuku. No offence but this is the truth. Every single time we see them together there will be a panel or a whole page even dedicated to inko crying to izuku and him having to comfort and honestly as a parent YOU SHOULD BE COMFORTING YOUR CHILD NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. This also reflects a lot on Izuku's behaviour, throughout the series izuku is actually very emotionally intelligent when it comes to people take the whole Katsuki Vs izuku 2 or take the sports festival and todoroki this could all be a result for him having to take care of his mother emotionally and having to grow up quickly when it comes to emotions. stuff like this explains why he is so emotionally mature and also emotionally intelligent.

Her reaction to him being quirkless and completely breaking down on him. Izuku's is 4 he has very limited knowledge of the world and the stuff around him. Izuku being diagnosed quirkless isn't necessarily something he can fully understand so the only thing he understands is that 1) this diagnosis makes his mother sad and 2) he can't be a hero and do what other kids/the majority of the population can do. Her reaction doesn't help Izuku at all and izuku even goes on to acknowledge such a thing and talk about how he wanted his mother to comfort him instead of cry and profusely apologise. @delawaredetroit talked about the meaning of this panel and how the chair acts as a barrier between the two which I really like and think explains their relationship perfectly

Her "concern" on the quirk Izuku got. Look your child that has been quirkless for 10 years of his life magically gets a quirk and explains it to you in some gibberish about modern science but then you find out that the quirk is completely different from yours and your husband's genetics and it physically hurts your child to use it. (He hurt himself to the point he had to get surgery?!?!) Instead of questioning the origins of this quirk and asking your son to explain himself or worry about your son hurting himself you JUST COMPLAIN?!?! Complain to the universe about why he got such a dangerous quirk out of nowhere like?!?! Also is it just me BUT THE WHOLE SEVEN TIMES FAINTING IS GETTING TO ME LIKE?!?! Iam confused aren't you supposed to be there for your child why is he supporting you emotionally and mentally on stuff he shouldn't have to worry about

Izuku's reaction and mentality whenever his mum is brought up. From the few times izuku has thought of his mum in the series you can clearly tell how their relationship really is. Their relationship is literally I can't make my mum sad and I have to be there for her instead of it being the other way round. Like seriously why is izuku waking up from a two day coma and the FIRST THING HE THINKS OF WHEN HE SEES his mother's handwriting is her crying for him to wake up and not to hurt his mum by him getting hurt. This is very concerning?!?! It doesn't help that the two times he actually wakes up from the coma he is the one that has to be there for him mum like he had to comfort her when she found out that villains were after him (understandable) but she should of been there for her child she should of advocated for him or tried to comfort or even reassure him in anyway like seriously?!?!

The lack of communication between the two. In my opinion these two truly lack communication because why is she bringing the fact that she is going to take him out of UA at that point Infront of all might when she could of had a proper discussion with her son at any point before all might came?!?! It seriously makes no sense and don't get me started on the way she was talking about it like I know she had a point and she was right but the way she brought it up and the way she talked about it were horrible. These two don't necessarily communicate about anything that is solely about izuku himself. Majority of their conversations are about things like heros, inko and her health and some other stuff but none are about the child and solely the child which I find very worrying to be honest. also don't get me started on how izuku never felt responsible or felt like he could trust his OWN MOTHER ENOUGH TO TELL HER About thr bullying or OFA ( still mad that bakugo found out before inko)

Her allowing her child to go vigilante and not actually sticking up for him during the whole don't let him into UA thing. Idk about you but I genuinely don't understand why a parent who claims to be very overprotrctive of their child allows them to go and become a vigilante and run around while they haven't even fully healed. Also this went on for a month?!?!!! Like we she seriously never went to UA and was like?!?! What about my son is it safe for him or she never set her foot down and was like no izuku you're a child you don't need to fight you shouldn't fight the adults should keep you safe or something along the lines. No we got nothing of the sort all we got was her crying and agreeing to it which is honestly frustrating. Also HOW AND WHY THE HELL WAS SHE NOT ANGRY?!?? LIKE WHY WAS SHE NOT ANGRY AT YAGI?! WHY WAS SHE NOT ANGRY WITH UA ?!? OR AT ANYONE INVOLVED. Are we also forgetting that izuku was also used as a child soldier in the first war without his consent and idk if the parents knew but why was inko not rightfully angry about what happend it makes no sense to me. Oh and don't get me started on the chapter when all the people were like get this kid out like was inko not standing up for her son why didn't she comfort him with Kota when he broke down sobbing like why?!?! How am I supposed to believe that she is a good mother and not neglectful at all when I get THIS

Her lack of reaction when izuku is on the news for the sludge villain. So almost everyone knows about the sludge villain incident it was literally boardcasted on the news and you're telling me we never got a scene of izuku and inko talking about it, of inko comforting izuku or just inko knowing in general. Like your son was on the news and decided to run into a villain fight and you don't reprimand him or demand to find out why he did it. Like why is it that kirishima and other strangers have more of reaction to the sludge villain incident instead of the main characters mother and I bet izuku didn't even tell his mum that he met all might or that he was attacked by the sludge villain before Katsuki so yeah

Simply allowing her child to do whatever after waking up from a coma (THIS LEGIT HAPPENS TWICE?!?!) Are you telling me that inko really let her child who woke up from a coma not even long ago just go out because UA required him to or something like she just let izuku do whatever he wants and didn't even come and seem him after he woke up or didn't even come and collect him after he was literally discharged from the hospital!?!? Also I have touched on the 2nd coma thing but the training camp parc inko kinda drives me insane because how do you simply allow this to happen?

PS this is just stuff from the manga because if you want me to go on about how inko was absent WHEN IZUKU LEGIT GOT ACCUSED OF BEING A MASS MURDER AND DID NOTHING ???! that's not really something imma go into deep depth but wanted to mention (THERE ARE A LOT MORE INSTANCES I DIDNT MENTION)

Look I get it inko is a flawed parent but the narrative doesn't acknowledge that and no one else does. Like I said if horikoshi actually wanted to redeem an abusive parent then he had inko and kotaro idk why the hell he chose someone like enji to fulfill that role because let's be honest enji sucks and so does his redemption. (Neglect is a form of abuse!!!)

Also it's sad inko never gets to be more than the overly emotionally dependent parent to the MC and that's it. Like she has no friends no job no family except of izuku no nothing she is all alone and usually forgotten about in the narrative sometimes I think that a dead parent could of been more useful than her which is sad.

Iam all for inko actually being somewhat of a bad mother who works a lot but loves her child and is now trying to improve and be there but that never happens and izuku deserves so much better cos how come the villain Tenko has a better family and mother than the hero

[snowberrydream]

Stoma gave Käärijä a new life - english translation of an  interview for Finnilco ry 8.5.2023

Translator’s note:

If you’ve been wondering about that scar on Finland’s favorite green boi’s belly …this is about that. (Because why be cha cha cha when you can be sad sad sad and read about how he was like a week away from death at one point in his life. Though I guess it kinda fits the post-ESC depression, really)

Okay, now some actual notes about the text. So, Finnilco is a Finnish organisation for patients with stomas and the like, so the interview talks a lot about medical stuff and is clearly geared towards people with similar health issues. It might not be as ”entertaining” as all the other stuff you might’ve seen about him recently, but I recommend reading it anyways, as I feel it gives a lot of insight to who Käärijä is as a person. It hasn’t always been just crazy and party for him.

There is a lot of medical vocabulary in this, and I’ve done some intense googling and wikipedia-ing to figure out what the correct terms are, but I can only hope they are right. Trying to understand whether things are synonymous with each other or completely different things is kinda hard when you have zero knowledge about the subject. I deeply apologize for any mistakes that might occur.

I’ve also done some minor tweaks to the text (like cut down on repeating his last name in nearly every sentence) for the sake of easier reading, as the style of it is quite academic and ”dry”, but overall I’ve kept as close to the original as I could.

link to the original finnish interview:https://www.finnilco.fi/post/avanne-antoi-k%C3%A4%C3%A4rij%C3%A4lle-uuden-el%C3%A4m%C3%A4n

***

Jere Pöyhönen, known by his artist name Käärijä, is the finnish representative in the Eurovision 2023 Song Contest. The artist, known for his style and energetic live-performances, had his youth shadowed by serious health issues, to which he even almost lost his life.

By his own words Pöyhönen is still just a normal guy. Vantaa-born Pöyhönen was diagnosed with colitis ulcerosa, a type of imflammatory bowel disease, when he was young. As the disease got worse, he had to eventually have an emergency surgery, where he got a temporary stoma. Later the stoma was removed and replaced with a J-pouch (ileo-anal pouch), a reservoir pouch formed from the end of his small intestine.  Currently in good health, he wants to be open about his disease so that he could offer peer support to others battling with the same issues.

- I am truly fine with this, I am not ashamed about it, on the contrary, I want to tell about this to everyone. I hope that by sharing my experience I could help someone else, Pöyhönen says with a smile.

Symptoms lead to an emergency operation

When Pöyhönen was at ninth grade, he was diagnosed with rectal inflammation. The inflammation was treated with suppository and oral medication, and it got better. When he was 18, the symptoms returned. For a year he was on an elimination diet that kept the inflammation under control, but eventually his condition got worse again, and in the end his entire colon got inflamed. Several treatments were attempted, but none worked. At the worst point Pöyhönen weighed only 49 kg, and his hemoglobin was swaying between 54-56.

- I was still somewhat right in the head, though I was feeling dizzy and kept bumping into bathroom doors. It was quite a rough time in every way, he reminisces. He defecated blood multiple times a day and was practically bedridden, his parents had to feed him. But nothing seemed to help. Pöyhönen remembers how his mother was crying by his bedside. Back then he had blood tests done regularly to control his condition, and after one time he got a call and was told that his hemoglobin was so low that he needed to be treated urgently. After the call his dad went to start the car and drove him straight to the hospital.

At the hospital, an emergency surgery awaited. While waiting for his turn he wondered about what would happen to him in the surgery, afraid that he’d need a stoma. At the same time he thought that the most important thing was to stay alive.

- Do whatever you have to, as long as I’ll get better, he remembers thinking before going in. A stoma had been suggested to him already before, but until then he hadn’t been able to accept it and had tried to manage by other means. Afterwards he has been thinking that the fear was due to the issue being so unknown. He didn’t know much about stomas and had never seen anyone with one.

- It was a tough spot. I wondered how the stoma would affect my life and me as a person. How would I look like, what would happen to my sexuality. Those kind of things scared me the most about it, he recalls.

Life as a young person with a stoma

The first thing he did after waking from the surgery was feeling his stomach and the collection bag.

- It was a weird feeling, confusing. But at the same time I felt just immense calmness. The root of the problem, the inflamed colon had been removed entirely. Confusion soon turned into acceptance.

- I wasn’t sad about it for that long, on the contrary. When it sank in that I was still alive, the stoma felt like a pretty small thing, considering everything. It was a happy thing that I had it.

Despite feeling thankful about the stoma, it was still a shock at the beginning.

- When I was taken to get a shower for the first time and I saw it, I nearly fainted, he laughs.

The emergency surgery was lifesaving for Pöyhönen. if it hadn’t been done, the inflammation could’ve spread from his bowel to the rest of the body within weeks, or even days. So Pöyhönen came really close to death, but thanks to the stoma he got to continue living.

– Getting the stoma gave me a second chance. A chance that not everyone gets to have. But if they get it, they should take the offer with a smile.

Pöyhönen tells that he got used to living with the stoma quite quickly. But it required him to adjust his own attitude – he had to accept the situation as it was. Luckily he was able to enjoy life even with the stoma

- When I had it, I did all the same stuff as other people. I did sports, went to restaurants, I truly lived a really ordinary life.

Of course he faced also some difficult times. At the time 18 years old Pöyhönen was in a relationship, and he tells that at first things relating to sexuality felt difficult.

- It was indeed nerve-racking. Overall, you are only starting to try out stuff at that age, and then there is the stoma on top of it all.

But one thing was clear for him already at the time: 

- If the other party in the relationship doesn’t accept your situation or the stoma, then that person isn’t worthy of you.

From stoma to J-pouch

Pöyhönen lived with the stoma for five months until it was replaced with a j-pouch. In the beginning the pouch got clogged, but he didn’t tell about it right away. He was fed up with spending his time in a hospital and wanted to live a normal life. When he finally told about the clogging, the issue was fixed and the difficulties eased.

- I’ve done all the normal stuff. I’ve travelled around the world, done and eaten the same things as everyone else. 

Pöyhönen has had the j-pouch for almost eight years now. He hasn’t had any serious complications, but occasionally there’s been some milder issues.

- Sometimes there’s been minor inflammation or bleeding. Once I went to have an endoscopy after there was more blood and I got frightened. Old fears about how things were in the past rose to the surface, Pöyhönen tells.

Overall he is feeling positive about everything.

– At the moment I’m really contented with my situation, and I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t even want that colon back, as this all has become a part of my identity, he says.

 Music as a part of life

Music has always meant a lot for Jere Pöyhönen. Yet it wasn’t always obvious that it would turn into a career.

While spending his time in hospitals, listening to music comforted him and gave him hope. Laying in a hospital bed with an IV drip next to him, Pöyhönen also wrote his own songs. If other patients wondered about his doings, he simply answered that he was making music.

During his time in hospital he realized that life might be short. He decided that if he’d be alive and healthy again after the emergency surgery, he’d go and try doing music for real and with everything he had. Of course, at the time he had no idea how far that decision would eventually bring him.

- My values became clearer there in the hospital. I realized what are the things I love and what is truly important for me. One of those things is music, and doing that was what I set my mind on to. 

Pöyhönen tells that he especially enjoys doing live shows, because then he gets to entertain people. He feels he is at his best while performing.

Daily life of an artist

Nowadays health issues don’t cause much trouble in Pöyhönen’s everyday life as an artist, but he still needs to take good care of his body. At gigs he must pay extra attention to what he drinks and eats, when and how much. He is sweating a lot while performing on stage, and to balance that he drinks salt/mineral water. The excitement also affects his bodily functions, and during stressful moments he’ll need to use the bathroom more often. But he tells that he doesn’t really get nervous about doing gigs anymore. 

However, the approaching Eurovision song contest is a kind of gig he has never experienced before. The event is big and the place as well as the proceedings are all new to him. Despite all that, Pöyhönen seems trustful.

- I don’t know how it is going to be like in there, but I don’t think I’ll have any problems. His confidence relies both on his general attitude and that over the years he has learned to know the way his body functions quite precisely. He knows when his energy levels are getting low and when he needs to drink or eat.

 Family’s support has been important

When Pöyhönen was sick, the support from his family was what helped him to keep going. Thanks to his family he has always felt valued and loved.

– The contribution from my parents has been enormous. I will never be able to repay their efforts, other than by being alive.

Pöyhönen tells how his parents gave him their full support while he was sick.

- When I first got diagnosed with the rectal inflammation, they wanted to figure out what could cause it right away. They delved deep into the matter, made phone calls and searched for information from the internet.

His parents drove him to his tests and put their time and money into finding out what was going on. The financial support made it possible that he could have all the different tests done despite them costing a lot.

 Stories from peers bring hope

Though his family and friends have been there for him, they haven’t been able to offer him peer support. When he was sick, Pöyhönen did sometimes feel very alone with his issue.

- I didn’t know anyone else in a similar situation as myself. I didn’t get to talk face to face with peers, he says. He did search for peer stories from internet, but people online were usually anonymous, and though he gained information through it, he was longing for human connection and faces to relate to. Lucky for him, an acquaintance of his was in the hospital at the same time as him due to a similar issue. They became friends and messaged daily through Facebook, asking each other about the number of times they went to bathroom and the like.

 Pöyhönen says that those kind of discussions with a peer were a big help. It was important to hear that someone else was experiencing similar things as him. An ice hockey player Teemu Ramstedt gave him another face to relate to.

– It gave me lot of faith to see someone else with the same stuff going on as me. That an athlete, a hockey player, had been dealing with the same issues, he tells.

Attitude and dreams helping to go forward

While being sick Pöyhönen gained strength from daydreaming and steering his thoughts towards future.

- I kept thinking that at some point I’ll have good moments with my family and friends again. That one day I’ll be healthy and able to feel happy about everything. In the end it was quite simple things that helped, and also humor helped to get through it all. 

Pöyhönen tells that he has been a joker since he was young, and when he was unwell, he also used humor to deal with the difficult things. But there was also something else hidden underneath the jokes.

- Maybe all the joking was also a survival tactic. A way to escape from it all. In the beginning I didn’t want to accept the reality, even though I tried to convince myself that I had done so. 

Pöyhönen tells that the songs he used to listen to while in hospital were difficult to listen to after he got out of there. Also some familiar places would bring up old memories in an unpleasant way.

But in the end, time heals, and years later those same songs are back on his regular playlist. Now they just uplift his mood and push him forward.

 It’s worth it to open up

When Pöyhönen was sick, he didn’t always tell about his symptoms to his parents or the hospital staff right away. One reason that he mentions was shame. At first he himself didn’t want to believe it to be real when he first saw blood down in the toilet.

- But when it happened again, I realized that this might not be something that would just go away. That it might be something more serious that should be taken care of, he recalls.

And to his younger self, or someone else in a similar situation he would give the advice that you should be open about your problems. He also encourages to try and find some peer support, as he himself was left without it for the most part. Though the bit he did get was a big relieving factor..

– When a person suffers from an illness, the most important thing really is that you are mentally in a good condition. If you are feeling down, the healing process will be really hard, he points out.

At the moment he dreams about that he and the people closest to him would stay as healthy as possible. He wishes that he would get to do things he enjoys in his life and to spend time with the people that are important to him. 

To the readers of Finnilco he sends the following message:

– Go forward with humility, but don’t be too meek either. Love yourself, your body and mind. Be well, and if problems arise, react to them right away. Enjoy life and do things that make you happy.

***

[royaltyspeaking]

Idk, I'm side-eying that video and the royal family. I just don't think I believe anything they say anymore.

They really made an entire chemotherapy commercial, didn't they.

Imo the video is ridiculous, but I guess when you disappear for nine months, you gotta produce content in order to uphold those press agreements.

I just can't with this "I'll be gradually attending public engagements when I can" line of bullshit. My friend was diagnosed with breast cancer this spring. She underwent surgery to remove the tumor and underwent radiation. She ended up needing aggressive chemo, which caused her to lose all of her hair, started early menopause, and she had been in and out of the hospital with various infections all summer. She still worked full time and has only missed a handful of days at work. She finished her final round of chemo two weeks ago and she feels the best she has in months and can't wait to have a busy fall, making up for the lost income she's had from her few sick days. Kate's whole "were in this together" message is painfully disingenuous when she has no idea what it's really like for most people.

[sirfrogsworth]

Very personal question so I understand if you don't want to answer. Did your diagnosis feel like a relief, socially? Mine isn't the same, but on one hand I feel relieved to have an "excuse" for being so friggin tired all the time. Society can't "morally" call me weak or lazy anymore. I can actually get some of the rest I need, without people judging me as harshly for it. No one's going to smack a chemo patient and tell me to be productive at all times... I find it sad that I have to have a justification for being exhausted. Nothing's really changed besides a label, but I'm suddenly allowed to feel like shit when I wasn't before.

I have a weird relationship with my diagnosis.

CFS doesn't have a blood test. It doesn't have a genre of specialists who are trained with a specific diagnostic protocol. The only CFS specialists are doctors who took it upon themselves to learn more about the condition and then self-label as specialists. Which unfortunately means there is a high rate of CFS quacks.

To get a diagnosis you have to go to every doctor you can think of, in every specialty you can think of, and gather negative diagnoses like Pokemon. And once you have ruled everything out, you have to find a doctor that kinda/sorta knows what CFS is, and they will officially declare you have tried everything and *probably* have CFS.

And even though most people with CFS are 99.9999% sure they have CFS, there is still that anxiety in the back of our minds that can't help but doubt.

Then there is the social stigma (which is improving) where new people you encounter, doctors, and sometimes even close friends and family, will very much doubt you have the illness. They might think you are being dramatic. Or you are exaggerating. Or they will think you have depression for years and shock your brain. They will think "Well, I get tired too." Or they won't believe there is nothing you can do about it. They still have that mindset "If I had that, I could get better." Or they will think, "If I had that, I could push through it with my epic constitution and boomer work ethic."

So, honestly, I am still kind of waiting for my diagnosis in a way. Every year or so an article will drop saying "The CFS blood test is almost here!" and then no further details. That damned blood test has been coming every year for like 15 years now. It's like cold fusion.

But I will say, when something else is wrong with me and there is a definitive test or a firm diagnosis from a proper specialist—that definitely feels like a relief. I am so tired of my body manifesting medical mysteries that even when something is terribly wrong with me, if I know exactly what it is, I am almost chuffed about it.

Doctor: The blood tests came back and you have life threatening sepsis. We will need to perform surgery to remove a giant piece of your back skin.

Me: Neat!

True story. (Warning: Very gross)

When I took my sleep study nap test and they were like, "Yep, you got narcolepsy as well." I was so happy that I had a "real" illness that I could use to convince doubters I was sick. Unfortunately everyone thinks narcolepsy is just falling asleep at weird times and they don't understand it much beyond that. So that wasn't as helpful as I initially hoped.

Now that Long COVID is causing serious cases of CFS, I have noticed a few people taking it a bit more seriously. But I have two uncles who think I am weak and lazy and was just mooching off my parents for 20 years. And apparently I have been disowned from that side of the family because of it.

But if that blood test ever actually happens I will come back to this post and let you know.

I'm sorry you required a diagnosis for people to take you seriously. But I hope your treatment is successful and you can just be healthy and not have to worry about stigmas. I'm rooting for you. Get that rest and take care of yourself.