#it can only really be diagnosed with surgery

[wheelchairtetris]

hmm yet another experience of looking to see how other ppl deal w similar neuro symptoms to mine and finding endless "have you looked into eds?" comments followed by almost exclusively advice for treating eds symptoms and not my very much not eds neuro symptoms

[kenmaspuddinghair]

Honorably discharged disabled Simon part 3

part one part two

this one has a happier ending than the last, but Simon is diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy ( pronunciation) which is a kind of nerve damage. sorry this one took a little long I had to research for this one

exactly 1.0k words :)

Here you are all alone sitting outside a hospital room at almost 3 AM with Simon's “Ghost” mask in your hands while he's in surgery right behind you, Price left a while ago to pick up some food and the other guys in the 141. According to the doctors Simon had peripheral neuropathy from the attack about a month ago, it spiked when he got into the fight with the man back at the butcher shop, for you, he got into a fight that caused this for you. You were trying your hardest not to cry when the doctor walked out “Okay, the surgery was a success, he isn't necessarily cured right now but as long as you take the right precautions and steps, it can get better and may go away over time, it could take months or even years though. He’ll need full-time care and if you're not up for that he’ll need a different nurse. I'll get you a sheet with all the information and potential symptoms” he said, already walking away. As you were going into the room another nurse came out from the room, “Are you his girlfriend, he just woke up and he keeps calling for you, he refuses to let us see his face, but we got what we need done” and before you got a chance to correct her she went off.

“Hey Simon, how are you?” First he removed his hands from over his face then his eyes went over your entire body slowly before he answered “Can’t really feel anythin, can ya put my mask on?” you smiled at him getting closer to pull the mask over his head. “Price will be here with Soap and Gaz, he's bringing some food too” he never answered you, he just kept staring at you with this look in his eyes, you just sat by his side looking over him. You sighed, “Simon listen, I don't know if they told you, but you have peripheral neuropathy, your nerves were damaged during the attack and, when you grabbed that guy it only made things worse” You paused but before you could continue he replied in a voice so soft you didn't know he could make that sound “it’s not your fault y’know, shouldn't attacked him” you smiled but before you could continue Price came in. “I'm assuming she told you about what happened and what's gonna be happening” It was as if something clicked in Simon's mind, he pushed himself up “She can stay right? She'll still be ‘ere to help me? Right? You'll stay to help me won’t ya?” he directed the last part to you, voice breaking and dripping with a mix of worry and horror. You looked him directly in his eyes and replied simply but firmly “Simon, I will stay and take care of you for as long as you let me”

Simon was discharged around 10 AM, the last few hours he spent joking with Soap and Gaz just eating food you knew was not good for them at all, but they had to leave a bit ago so now with the help of Price you got Simon in the car and back home. So far Simon only had a few symptoms, muscle weakness, muscle twitching/shaking, and occasional numbness and/or pain, so far it's stayed confide to Simon’s right under his collarbone, the exact part of his body that was stuck under rubble for hours, according to the doctors this is the best case scenario much worse could have happened to him. The plan was for you to make sure he ate well-rounded meals and didn't over-exert himself and give him a check-up weekly for any worsening symptoms or injuries.

Currently, you were in the kitchen cooking lunch while Simon and Price talked in the living room. “You like her a lot, don't you? And don't try to tell me you don't like her, even the nurse thought she was your girlfriend, you even let her see your face. I didn't even get to see your face for years” Simon just sighed, he couldn't exactly lie it was way too obvious, so he chose the next best thing to do “So what do I do? I don't even know if she's allowed to date me” “Well she's with the military so as long as I, the captain, says it's okay then it's okay, but you know she's not gonna ask you right?” Simon started to panic, was Price confirming his worst fear right now, that you didn't like him at all and wouldn't even give him a chance. “What do ya mean she won't ask me out, like she doesn't like me? Like-” “No no Simon, like she's not going to risk losing her job by asking her patient out, meaning you have to do it. Of course she likes you, are you dense?” 

Not only was Price saying that it was okay for you two to date but also encouraging it, but now he had to work up the nerve to actually do it, it would be simply right? He would just ask you out, that's it. “Lunch is ready.” just then Price stood up, grabbing his hat “I'm gonna head out now, make sure he eats” he directed the last part to you before heading to the door “Will do” you called “Oh also Simon, I forgot to mention but I'll need to stay in your room tonight, peripheral neuropathy can be really bad for some people at night so I should be there for you just in case” Price just chucked and smirked and Simon before closing the door behind him. God, who was Simon kidding, this is the hardest thing he's ever had to do, and that's saying a lot, Simon’s done countless terrifying things that would have the average civilian crying and yet Simon was panicking over asking a girl out, gosh, what were you doing to him. 

part four

tags- @piconico17 @just-lilita @madsdawson @silversfavfics @enfppuff @solazoro @sirbonesly

[dokyumms]

seventeen's reaction to their s/o being a surgeon !

pairings: ot13 x gn surgeon!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 861

cw: none

a/n: another request done! i'm definitely not a surgeon, so this is probably not accurate T-T also, i'm going to try to start posting on a schedule eventually... but i'm not sure yet. anyways, enjoy this kings ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

scoups - he didn't even realize he could fall more in love with you until you told him you were a surgeon. not only are you smart, but you save lives (and he just thinks you look hot in scrubs)? oh he's dug himself up a deeper hole. he tries to do what he can to help you, always offering to pick you up from work even if you clock out just hours before he has to go to practice.

jeonghan - he enjoys being your stay at home wife and sugar baby lol. when he found out, he probably showed the most excitement he'd shown in a while, "so, this means you have enough money to buy me a dyson hair dryer?" he likes knowing that you're working hard while he rots on the couch, but he hates when you have to get up for work at 5:30 in the morning. you can't count how many times you've almost been late for work since jeonghan will trap you in bed with him until the very last minute.

joshua - honestly the best moral support. he really loves that you help others for a living and wants to get involved, making bracelets for all your surgical patients. whenever you're burnt out or tired, he's there to catch you as well. he wants to make sure you're always in the best state to do your job well, so occasionally he'll nag on some of your bad habits, "we need you alive so you can keep other people alive silly,"

jun - he's very curious about your job, "you do what?? tell me more," he always asks about how your day was and won't sleep till you tell him every detail. so, now he knows all the drama between your coworkers. anytime he gets injured he immediately sends a photo to you with absolutely no warning and asks you to diagnose him (because he lowkey thinks surgeon = doctor 😭).

hoshi - very explosive reaction to say the least... "WHAT?? that's like such a scary job though??? how..?" he's honestly a little scared of you now. one time he sent you a picture of a vase he accidentally broke and was like "you won't dissect me or something because of this... right?" but anytime a member disrespects him? he's instantly using you to threaten them.

wonwoo - if he didn't have enough respect for you already, he certainly does now. he lovesss having a book-smart partner. sort of like jun, but he does more research so he can engage in more conversation with you. he even read a book all about it so you don't have to explain all the medical lingo to him.

woozi - secretly very impressed. he tries to be nonchalant about it when he finds out like, "okay.. cool," but then he'll end watching a ton of videos about it later. he would've never thought someone like you could have such an enduring job, you're always so bright around him! if it were him, he'd never be in a good mood lol.

dk - he's definitely worried about you all the time now, but also you're biggest cheerleader! anytime you have a big surgery coming up, he always send you good luck messages, "my y/nnn, you got this! i'll be cheering you on ๑˃̶͈̀Ⱉ˂̶͈́๑" he totally checks up on you like every hour as well, "are you eating? well you should eat :)"

mingyu - like jeonghan, he's now your stay at home wife. he literally packs you lunch every morning and even puts in little sticky notes with surgeon-related jokes... are they funny? well, more or less, but he always draws little doodles of you in your scrubs that make you giggle.

the8 - he admires you so much for your job, and he makes sure that you know it too. when you get home from work he's just like, "you're so cool, you know," if you EVER downplay yourself, he's constantly reminding you that you shouldn't try to make it sound like your job is easy. and to your dismay, he's always flexing that he's got a surgeon as his partner.

seungkwan - impressed and worried. whenever you mention having a big surgery, he's more nervous than you (even if it's already passed). he's really big on making sure you're taking care of yourself, offering to treat you to a spa day whenever you have time. plus, it's an excuse for him to do face masks with you.

vernon - bro will NOT stop making 'grey's anatomy' references. it's too late to stop him. "there're no 'mcdreamys' at your job right?" he makes you watch the show with him and asks if it's accurate. other than that, super chill and respects your work ethic.

dino - he's scared of you, but also super proud. you won't catch this guy even coming close to disrespecting you anytime soon. also someone who will confuse surgeons as doctors, so you have to explain to them that they're really different, and no, you can't write him a doctor's note so he can skip practice because he has a 'mega bad headache'

[spindrifters]

Hey friends,

I know this isn’t the marginalia update you were hoping for, but HOLD ON. This isn’t going in the direction you think it is.

First of all, thank you so much for your patience. I'm really sorry for leaving you on such a horrendous cliffhanger for so long. That was never my intention, but the AO3 curse got me so, so bad.

As most of you who follow me on Tumblr know, my health deteriorated significantly over the course of the last two years. It began with chronic migraines and brain fog, which then worsened and led to chronic fatigue, increasing cognitive/language confusion, and finally issues with balance and weakness in my extremities. Long story short, in February I was finally diagnosed with a Chiari malformation, and I had brain surgery last month. I'm happy to report that it appears to have been a complete success! My symptoms are gone. I feel better than I have in literal decades. The curse is lifted. Nice. Now I’m just doing the hard work of recovering from surgery.

In the meantime, a few things have happened:

First, I became a traditionally published author. My debut novel scooted out into the world last year, and I have more books coming out over the next few years. I have no idea how I got here, but holy crap!!

Second, JKR pulled more bullshit. And while I think it’s fantastically ethical, actually, to engage in the reclamatory spaces of fandom, my appetite for it is sort of gone at the moment. I doubt forever. These things wax and wane, even when the author isn’t a piece of shit.

So here’s what’s going on.

I’ve spent the last month reworking marginalia into a piece of original fiction. Which honestly hasn’t been very hard to do. I’ve written hundreds of fic over the years, and this is the first one that I ever felt compelled to revise into something else, because it's also the only one that I knew could stand on its own two feet as more than just an intertext with canon. This fic has always been a frank conversation with its source material, but the result of that has allowed me to bypass the constraints of JKR's world to create something entirely my own. It's also about so much more than that frank conversation. It’s about navigating a version of yourself you can live with under inherently unethical circumstances. It’s about chronic pain and invisible disability, and I do see the irony in not knowing I had either of those things at the time I was first drafting. It's about breaking cycles of abuse. It’s about empathy. I think the world needs more stories like this.

So my agent is going to begin pitching the reworked version to publishers relatively soon, at which point this fic will have to come down from AO3. I'm going to set the date for June 7th. From there, one of two things will happen:

1. The reimagined version will eventually get picked up by a publisher, will become a traditionally published novel—probably a duology, let's be real—and I’ll be very open about where you can get your hands on it.

or

2. No one bites. And this will go right back up on AO3, comment section book club in tact, and I’ll finish the story when the time is right.

In the meantime, I don’t mind you downloading it if you want, and I don't mind you sharing it with others if they ask. It’s a big part of why I’m giving you the heads up. And Pigoletta’s excellent podfic will stay right where it is unless she decides otherwise at some point. But what I do ask is that you don't repost marginalia publicly, not on AO3 and not anywhere else. And for the love of fuck, don't feed it to an LLM to try to generate an ending.

Okay, I think that's it! Thank you all for the gorgeous community that's grown around this fic. I'm excited to see what the next chapter brings.

xo zo

[authorchariot]

> ENTRY: ROUTINE_PROCEDURE

RATING: explicit

CATEGORY: top gun: maverick (2022)

PAIRING: bob floyd x reader

EST. READING TIME: 15m 58s

INDEX TAGS: established relationship, handjobs, medical procedures, not beta read, oral sex, pov second person

ACCESS MATERIAL ON AO3 OR BELOW

The waiting room smells like disinfectant and stale coffee. Bob sits in one of the hard plastic chairs, clipboard balanced on one knee. He's already measured his pulse twice — elevated but not dangerously so — and checked the time on his watch four times in about as many minutes. Annual medicals always tie his stomach in knots.

Not because he expects anything to be wrong. He's in good shape. Better than most. Doesn't smoke, barely drinks, follows every checklist and regulation to the letter. He just...hates the idea of being studied. Scrutinised. Measured and prodded like a machine with parts that could fail at any moment.

He'd rather be doing literally anything else. Bob exhales slowly and looks down at the form.

SECTION 1: PERSONAL INFORMATION Name: Floyd, Robert D. Call Sign: Bob ID: 770909349 DOB: 06/26/1993 Branch: US Navy Rank: Lieutenant Unit: Dagger Squadron

He moves on, the scratching of his pen the only sound in the otherwise silent room. Across from him, another aviator in a rumpled khaki flight suit is flipping through a magazine, foot tapping out an irregular rhythm. The nurse behind the desk is focused on a computer screen, headset perched over one ear. Bob's jaw tenses as he moves to the next section.

SECTION 2: FAMILY MEDICAL HISTORY (Mark all that apply.) Heart Disease: Mother (Y) Hypertension: Father (Y) Diabetes: N Stroke: N Cancer: Paternal Grandfather (Y, colon) Mental Illness: Maternal Uncle (Y, bipolar disorder) Other: Asthma (Mother)

His eyes flick further down the page to the mental illness section, chewing the inside of his cheek. It's not something he talks about. But he doesn't lie on forms. Ever. Still, there's a little to go before he gets there.

SECTION 3: MEDICAL HISTORY – YOURSELF Chronic Illness: N Allergies: N Surgeries: Appendectomy (2011) Past Hospitalisations: N Fractures: Right wrist (2018, off-duty accident, healed) Medications: Ibuprofen occasionally, multivitamins Vision Correction: Yes (glasses) History of fainting, seizures or blackouts: N Other: Asthma

He pauses again. Debates adding the time he passed out at age fourteen from heat exhaustion during a Boy Scouts survival hike. It hadn't happened again. Still, he scribbles it in the margin, just in case. He knows how thorough flight surgeons can be.

Now, the mental health section; this is the part that always gets him because it's not a numbers thing. It's not something that can really be tested because everyone's normal is different, so it's never objective. He takes a slow breath and reads the questions carefully.

SECTION 4: MENTAL HEALTH Have you ever been diagnosed with anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions? N Have you experienced prolonged feelings of sadness, hopelessness or anger in the last year? Y – brief period post-deployment, resolved without treatment

He writes it small. Neatly. Honest. He doesn't think it was clinical; just a hard couple of weeks after the last deployment. Too much noise inside his head. Trouble sleeping. Missing home. Missing people.

Have you ever received counselling or therapy? N Do you currently feel emotionally supported in your personal life? Y

Bob feels his heart twist slightly at that one. He thinks about his squad, his team; Phoenix's constant dry humour, Rooster's ridiculous playlists, Mav checking in even when he doesn't have to.

And then he thinks about you. The way you always seem to know when he needs a quiet night or a slow morning. The way your hand fits into his like it was designed for it. The late-night texts. The long, lazy drives home. The slow kisses on the porch at night. You might not have made it public yet but he adores you through and through. And you adore him right back. Sometimes that's the only thing to keep him afloat but it's a damn fine reason to make sure he gets home safe.

Yes. He writes it in firmer pen strokes this time.

SECTION 5: SUBSTANCE USE Tobacco Use: N Alcohol Use: Occasional (1-2 drinks/month) Drug Use (Prescription): Ibuprofen, as needed Drug Use (Non-Prescription): N

"Almost done." Bob murmurs to himself, tapping the end of his pen against the clipboard. He hates these questions; not because he has anything to hide but because the very act of asking makes it feel like they're looking for cracks. Like if he just scribbles in the wrong box, they'll ground him. He adjusts his glasses and checks the last box:

SECTION 6: PHYSICAL STATS Height: 6'0" Weight: 198 lbs

Finally, he signs his full name at the bottom of the form.

Signature: Robert Dean Floyd

He closes the clipboard with a quiet snap and lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. The forms are done.

Now comes the exam. Blood pressure. Bloodwork. More questions. The whole routine.

He pops the collar of his uniform, suddenly feeling warm. He's getting a little sweaty. It's probably the needles; those Goddamn needles. He hates those Goddamn, motherf—

A chime sounds and his head darts up to check the screen on the wall. Lt. R Floyd to Exam Room 12.

He nods to himself as he stands up and smooths down his shirt. "Room 12. Got it." He mumbles to himself as he steps into the corridor, the clipboard tucked under his arm.

It's been pretty routine today; a load of annuals and the occasional check-in with existing cases. You don't mind it; it's been easy, if not a little boring. All of that goes out of your window when you open up your next case.

Name: Lt. Floyd, Robert D. Call Sign: Bob ID: 770909349

You pause for a moment before your lips quirk up into a small smile. He'd been worrying about his annual physical; he'd told you as such this morning. At least, now you can make sure he gets the easiest, most comfortable check-up of his life.

There's a tentative knock on the door and you stand, straightening your scrubs before opening the door. Your smile only widens as you set your sights on Bob, his eyes wide behind his thick glasses, lips parted slightly.

"Hello, stranger." You say softly as he steps into your office and closes the door behind him. You make sure to lock the door before he leans down to kiss you; just a sweet brush of his mouth against yours.

"Hey." He whispers against your lips before pulling back to look at you. He always liked the look of you in your scrubs; sweaty, tired, smelling of disinfectant and iodine. You reach out to take the clipboard form under his arm before you turn on your heel and sit back down at your desk.

"Fancy seeing you here." You tease and he chuckles, stepping over to sit in the chair beside your desk, bright afternoon light filtering in through the half-closed blinds. Flipping through the forms, you compare the information to the stats from last year. "Everything seems fine... Put on a little weight though." You shoot him a little grin.

"Hey!" He laughs softly. "I only gained like a few pounds over the whole year." He leans forward slightly in his chair. "Besides, you like having something to hold onto at night, don't you?"

"You know I do. Plus, it's probably my fault; all that barbecue chicken and pecan pie I did for your birthday." You draw your attention back to the forms as he nods fondly.

"You know I can't say no to your cooking." He relents and you set the forms to one side before turning your attention fully to him.

"Okay, let's get this show on the road." You pull over the blood pressure machine and he lifts the sleeve of his shirt for you. A breath catches slightly in your throat as you try not to focus too much on his bicep. For a guy so quiet and unassuming, his body is absolutely, sinfully perfect. But he thankfully brings you back down to earth.

"How's your day been so far?" He asks as you slide the cuff up his arm, unable to stop yourself from giving his bicep an appreciative squeeze before securing the cuff.

"It's been fine. The usual; people popping in and out. You?" You lightly hold his wrist.

"Ah. Same old, same old." He replies with a shrug. "Did some training exercises with the squad. Nothing too big." You press the button on the machine and the cuff starts to inflate. "By the way..." You draw your attention back up to his face. "I was thinking we could go out tonight. Just the two of us."

"Oh, yeah? Red Robin or Outback Steakhouse?" You ask and he grins, looking down at where your thumb brushes against the inside of his wrist.

"Outback." He says without hesitation. "I'm craving a steak and some cheese fries." The machine beeps and the cuff deflates. "And maybe some dessert afterwards." You check the machine, satisfied with the blood pressure, though his BPM is a little high. Not amazingly so but just enough for you to know your effect on him. It makes you smile; how his heart literally flutters when you're in the same room.

"Cheesecake?" You ask and he nods as you pull off the cuff, setting the machine back in its place on your desk.

Back to business. Checking the forms on your computer again, you go on with the exam. "How's your vision been?"

"Perfect." You can tell he's just a little distracted by how your scrubs hug your curves.

"Any migraines?" You ask. He can get them sometimes; mainly stress.

"Nope." You type that into the form.

"Good. And how's your hearing? Any tinnitus? Balance issues?" You ask and he shakes his head with a frown.

"All good." That goes in the form.

"That's what we like to hear. "How's your asthma been? Did you pick up your new inhaler?" And he nods, tugging a small, blue-capped inhaler from the pocket of his uniform pants.

"Yes, ma'am. Picked it up yesterday." He assures you, looking very pleased with himself. You let him have the little things. Honestly, you just like to watch that proud, little smile light up his face.

"No attacks recently?" He shakes his head again as he pockets his inhaler.

"Nope, haven't had one in months." You type that down.

"Any RSI? Chronic Pain?" You ask and he thinks for a moment before shifting in his seat.

"No chronic pain but...my shoulder's been bothering me." Your brows knit and you stand, moving to his side and placing your hands on his shoulder before pressing firmly. He groans slightly, head tilting as you press into a particularly tense spot. "Right there. Been really stiff lately." You work your thumbs into the muscle there.

"Might've pulled a muscle. But keep an eye on it, okay?" You tell him and he nods. Leaning down, you press a kiss to your temple before sitting back down at your desk. "Okay..." You pull over the steel trolley, syringes and tubes already prepared on a cardboard kidney dish. You hear him swallow hard as you pull on a pair of latex gloves, pick up the rubber tourniquet and secure it around his bicep.

"You know I hate needles..." He murmurs softly and you nod understandingly.

"I know, honey. I swear it'll only take a second." With two fingers, you tap the inside of his elbow. "Lucky for you, you have nice, big veins." You tell him and he lets out a breathy, nervous chuckle. He flexes his hand slightly as you swipe an alcohol wipe across the join of his elbow. Prepping the needle, you pull off the cap. "Look away now." Bob turns his head obediently, staring at the posters on the wall, the colourful pens in a mug on your desk, anything to distract himself. "Just a little pinch..." The needle slides easily into his arm but he still sucks in a breath between gritted teeth as he grabs the armrest. He fills one vial and then another as you unbuckle the tourniquet, letting the blood flow more freely. "And there we go." You press a cotton pad to the entry point and pull out the needle. "Can you hold that there for me?" He nods and obeys, letting out a shaky breath as you label the tubes and discard the needle.

When you turn back to look at him, he's a little pale and you stroke his hair. "Alright, honey. You're doing great. I know you were worried about this today." He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed behind his glasses.

"Yeah, I hate these things." His breathing slowly levels out as you cut off a length of medical tape and place it over the cotton pad to keep it there.

"I hope I'm making it easier." You tell him and he nods, managing a small, sweet smile. "Are you nice and hydrated?" Pulling away, you open a drawer of the steel trolley.

"No, probably not." He admits. "I'm not great at remembering to drink enough water." He sits up a little straighter as you place a sample cup on the corner of the desk.

"Well, I need you to fill this up for me." His eyes widen as they flick between your face and the cup on the desk. Swallowing hard again, his cheeks flush an adorable shade of pink.

"Do I need to...pee in that?" He asks and you nod.

"Mhm. Need some help?" He shakes his head quickly, pulling a laugh from you, especially as his face turns an even deeper shade of red.

"No, no! I think I can manage." He takes the cup from the desk and stands, heading for the privacy screen in the corner.

Once he's behind the screen, you hear him unscrew the cup and fumble with his belt and zipper. In the meantime, you open the web browser on your computer and start to reply to some emails. There's a constant barrage on them so you might as well catch up on them, especially if the typing sounds ease Bob's nerves a little bit. There's the familiar sound of fluid hitting plastic and you hear him let out a shaky sigh before pulling a tissue from a box on the counter. "I'm— I'm done." He says quietly.

"Okay. Just put the cap on and come back out." You tell him and he gets to it.

His hands are a little shaky as he walks back over to your desk, the cup feeling unusually heavy in his hand. He sets it down gently on your desk, avoiding eye contact initially. You squint before holding up the cup to the light, staring at the contents for a moment. "Mmm... You really are dehydrated." You place the sample on the trolley with the blood vials, getting up to grab him a cup of water from the filter in the corner of the office. "Here." He takes the water with a small, grateful smile and you kiss his hair before pulling off your gloves and checking the form on your computer. "And you're all up to date on your injections so now we're on to the really fun stuff." Once he's drained the cup, he tosses it into the trash bin by your desk, placing his hand over yours, looking curious.

"'Really fun stuff'?" He echoes and you nod, giving him a smile.

"How's your sex drive? Any concerns?" You ask him bluntly and he looks away for a moment.

"It's...good." He manages, shifting slightly in his seat. You turn back to your computer, typing into the form.

"I'd say it's more than good, personally." You murmur, just loud enough for him to hear.

"You think?" Your eyes flick to his face, your thumb rubbing over his knuckles.

"Mhm. I know from experience that you have nothing to worry about in that department." You assure him and his breath hitches slightly. Now he's blushing for a whole other reason; probably remembering how many times you've sung his praises in bed, at 2 am.

"Babe..." His voice is a little hoarse, his eyes dropping to your lips unconsciously.

"Unzip your pants; I need to check your balls." You tell him and he lets out a strained laugh, standing slowly. This is a part of the physical that he always gets a little worried about but, this time round, it's less worry and more excitement. He unbuckles his belt again as your eyes rake over his body; the way his shirt stretches across his broad shoulders, tapering down to his narrow hips.

He looks away, slowly pushing down his pants and underwear together. Unsurprisingly, he's already half-hard and thickening rapidly. You shoot him a knowing look but he makes a point to keep his eyes fixed on the poster promoting cervical scans on the wall opposite, willing his erection to go away.

All of that goes out the window as you reach up to gently cup his sac. He sucks in a sharp breath, hands balling into fists at his sides, as his cock gives an involuntary throb. But you're still trying to do your job, carefully squeezing his balls one by one, checking for any lumps or irregularities. Still, his erection is thickening further and further and he's trying his best to think thoughts that'll make it pass quicker. "You're doing great, honey." You tell him, tilting your head up to smile at him encouragingly. But that only makes it worse; the praise and seeing you smile so sweetly and those damn fingers running along the underside of his sac...

Finally, you pull away to type out the outcome of the exam; no irregularities. Slowly, you turn back to face him, your eyes flicking between his erection and his face. You lift a hand, stroking the underside of his cock with your knuckles. He shivers. "You know... I haven't taken my break yet today." He's completely hard now.

"Babe..." You move your hands to squeeze his thighs through his tight, uniform pants.

"And it seems cruel to just leave you like this." You bite your lip coyly and he lets out a low groan, his hips involuntarily pushing forward slightly, desperate for more contact. "have you got anywhere to be?"

"N-No..." He admits, quickly shaking his head. "Not for another...hour at least." He's practically begging you with his eyes, his glasses falling slightly down the bridge of his nose.

"Then maybe I should...check your sperm count." You tease, leaning down slightly to drag your tongue over the slit, where precum has already started beading. He tenses, long fingers tangling into your hair as he bites back a relieved yet needy groan.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Bob's sex drive and it's easy to attest to that when he spends the next hour fucking you over your desk before grabbing you a sandwich from the cafeteria and pressing a shy, little kiss to your lips in thanks. You give him a clean bill of health and send him on his way. He'll be back in the air before you know it but then it'll be a nice steak dinner at Outback Steakhouse and then God knows how many hours in bed.

TAGLIST: @ingoldthewizard @judeval @mashton_bunny @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @starwarskawaii

[ramblingautisticman]

(Okay, for some reason, the repost where I was talking about this just...disapeard?? So here I go. Again. I'm just going to post it as a separate thing.)

(Also, Warning, talking about child hood cancer, experimentation and torture, and the other general dark Logan or Wade things.)

Okay! So- obviously, with the timeline, it wouldn't work- but I can just change that because why not?

Imagine Wade being diagnosed with cancer at 8. He has chemo and some surgeries, then for a good 2 years he is cancer free. Of course, though, it comes back at around 11. There isn't anything they can do this time, though. The surgeries won't work, and chemo will only prolong the inevitable, so Wade has to accept his fate. His parents get approached by someone who promises to cure Wade, though. All they need to do is sign over their legal rights in regards to him, so that's what they do. Sure, they cured him, but only after years of being tortured and experimented on. Wade thinks his parents didn't know at the beginning, but after the first few months, he started to question if they knew what this place was. His parents had never been kind people, and Wade quickly decided his parents probably didn't care what happened when they signed that waver. He survives, though. He gets his mutation, and eventually, the X-Men manages to find the facility that has been doing this. He's glad all of the other kids have been saved and most of them reunited with their parents- he had looked after half of them in that hell hole so he feels responsible for making sure they are all save wherever they go- and he goes back to the school with the other kids who don't have a home to go back to or just don't want to go back home. It's weird to be a whole 17 years of age and not knowing how to function in the world. He knows how to survive, but that's about it. So, it's a struggle to settle into the mansion at first, but he quickly takes on the role of bigger brother to the younger kids. And yeah, he finds it hard to interact with the people his own age, too terrified to deal with the possible riddicule of how he looks.

Logan's been there awhile. He was found by the Professor after a few news articles popped up about some 'strange deaths' and he had investigated. No one at the school knows much about him- they know he lived in the woods for a year when he was 13, and that the Professor found him- but that's about it. Practically all the students avoid him like the plague in the halls and at meal times. It's not that Logan tries to talk to the others anyway, and he doesn't really want too. He's used to being a lone wolf. He keeps to himself, doesn't want to deal with others shit, and he plans to keep it that way. He's gonna leave this place as soon as he is 18 next year. He isn't even sure where he would go, but he refuses to join the X-Men. He can't bring himself too- to many accidents with the claws and panic attacks to be able to help people.

Naturally, Wade decides that Logan is the person he is going to befriend. Even if the idea of being judged terrifies him, he can't help but be interested in the quiet brooding bad boy.

[ms-demeanor]

IDK that I've ever put it in one post before, but here's the transplant speedrun.

1 - Valentines day 2021, he's admitted to the hospital. We take a pre-hospital selfie then I shave his head and he shaves his beard because he doesn't want to deal with hair at the hospital. Me and his mom drop him off; at that point you can only visit someone as they are actually dying and we're told that he's going to stay in the hospital until he gets a transplant or he dies, and if he's rejected as a transplant recipient he'll receive palliative care in this hospital.

2 - First week of March, they allow patients to have one screened visitor; this is our first visit - I take photos in the hospital to show his mom because at this point he has a pump in his shoulder and it is difficult for him to move his arms to use his phone. He has also been confined to a bed since the week he arrived because he's on the ECMO machine, so he can't walk or move around, though they stand him up every once in a while. At one point one of the ecmo tubes pulls out of his femoral artery, which is Not! Great! He also needed a blood transfusion about every two days at that point, which worried the doctors because it increased his likelihood of rejecting. But he had been approved for transplant at that point!

The first thing he said to me on this visit was "look, I have abs" and then he showed me his abs because it turns out when you're really really dying of heart failure your body begins to eat itself.

3 - Now That's What I Call Jaundice (cardiac cirrhosis is liver failure as a result of heart failure and it's pretty much the big giant neon flashing sign of heart failure that says "hey you're fucking dying" so if you've got heart failure and your bilirubin number is off or the whites of your eyes are yellow please kick up a gigantic stink until they check your liver; large bastard's GP, who is my doctor, who I hate, saw his bloodwork with a very high bilirubin number a month before he was diagnosed with cardiac cirrhosis and wrote it off as a testing fluke fuck that guy)

4 - Don't let the sad face fool you, he's acting pathetic so that his mom will stop yelling about the fact that I'm bringing him cookies. He's allowed to have cookies. At that point he weighed 98kg and was outsourcing his heartbeat, he was allowed to eat whatever he wanted. (have i mentioned that I was moving us from Vegas to LA at this time? I was bringing him cookies because I'd baked hundreds of peanut butter cookies and other cookies to use up the flour, sugar, and peanut butter in the vegas house)

5 - Mid-march, he's got a match! He called me when I was in Vegas filling up the truck with another load and I drove right back and to the hospital. Once he went in for surgery I drove to his mom's house and crashed, then woke up and drove to our storage unit and unpacked the truck while I waited to hear from the doctors. I was unloading a bookcase when I got the call. (There wasn't any point in waiting alone in the hospital for sixteen hours; either he was going to make it or he wasn't and someone was going to have to unload the truck at some point. People have been weird about this, like I should have been sitting at his side all the time, but there was a two-hour daily limit for most visits and look i have sat in a waiting room while this dude had a thirteen hour surgery i do not need a repeat of that experience without the soothing balm of nicotine getting me through it; so unloading a truck it was)

6 - Two days after surgery and kind of mad about it. His chest hurt a lot (obviously) but, like, a lot a lot because they'd had to open him up for the bypass just two years earlier.

7 - First walk outside of his room after transplant in early April; he needed a LOT of PT because of how much muscle he'd lost. He lost sixty pounds in the hospital before the surgery, and only gained back about twenty while he was in there.

8 - A visit from the tiny doggo

9 - I come to visit and I've got a new phone with a portrait mode so he steals it and takes stupid pictures for a few minutes. Dude is bored and restless; this is in late april and he's feeling well enough to be moody. ETA: There is a jar of pickles in front of him because he'd been fluid limited for a long time and his salt levels were off and when he got to the hospital they were like "you need electrolytes and a lot of salt" and he was like "sweetheart can you please please please bring me delicious salty things" so I was bringing him jars of pickled mushrooms and garlic stuffed olives and just a huge number of pickles that he kept trying to share with the nurses. "Alli brought the mushrooms again; would you like a pickled mushroom? I have fancy toothpicks to share them with!"

10 - He comes home for the first time in early May; he ends up getting readmitted two more times because of complications before finally being released in early July. ETA: The second time he got readmitted it was for something that he wasn't at all worried about but that they needed to monitor for a couple weeks so he was *SO BORED* and actually feeling pretty okay; so at one point when I was leaving the parking garage at 8pm my car wouldn't start, I did some troubleshooting with the manual and the internet and didn't figure it out, so I called him and he tried to troubleshoot over the phone and got frustrated and was begging his nurses to let him come out to the parking structure to work on my car (they refused) - I ended up getting a tow and fixing it when I replaced the battery terminals.

Photos are all posted with his permission.

Also I dyed my hair purple between photos one and two because it's his favorite color. I also bought a blue dress, red tights, and yellow shoes to wear to visit him because he always teases me for wearing so much black.

I just love him a lot. It was a hard couple years there, but things are getting better.

[erwinsvow]

oh. my. god! i need more of the alternate universe night shift reader because i feel her so hard😭 feeling so bad for jack even though he’s the one taking his frustration out on you. but you just can’t help it, you’re a lover girl through and through so you just CAN’T be mad at him, you just feel bad. and GOD the last line, of Jack thinking what is he gonna do with you has my mind RUNNING PLACES. like the week after his hell week you’re still on nights, and he’s in a way better mood and yelling less but you’re still skittish, still a little hesitant around him and so you try to orbit around Parker or someone else and he NOTICES because gosh he notices everything about you ever since you so sweetly handed him some of the best fudgy brownies he’s ever eaten to cheer HIM up even though he had been the one yelling at YOU. so one night it’s unavoidable, a trauma comes in and jack specifically requests that you come with him and you’re a little nervous but you know you can’t avoid it anymore. and you guys stabilize the patient with no problem, you’re quick to diagnose the issue and give the proper treatment and once the patient is taken up to surgery and it’s just you and jack in the room, he tells you that you did a great job, that you should be proud of yourself; but he can tell that it’s not really reaching you the way he wants it to, like you can’t accept that YOU could have done something worthy of his praise, and you certainly can’t make the eye contact that he really likes — and he thinks back to last week, when you had said that you probably deserved to be yelled at and his heart breaks a little for this sweet girl who bakes for her grumpy old attending to make him feel better and doesn’t seem like to care a lick about herself and the way others treat her; he also never sees you eat on shift, and thinks he’s maybe seen you with a water bottle in your hand one time these past two weeks and that just won’t do. after you mutter out a “thank you” to jack and basically scamper out of the room again, jack makes an executive decision in his head — if you wouldn’t take care of yourself, if you wouldn’t allow others to treat you with respect, well then he’ll do it for you. “yeah,” jack thinks to himself, “i’m gonna take care of her.” i could go on and on about these two😭

omg. i don't even have anything to say because you said it all so perfectly! you're in my head. i think this one will be very healing for all the girls who are always told 'you say sorry too much' and 'what are you apologizing for'. i think he's going to work you out of the habit after he apologizes for his behavior that week. so so incredibly real that reader would be so nervy around him. not only is he the attending but she feels she's disappointed him already which is a shy girl's worst nightmare. and he sees you getting along so well with the nurses and shen and ellis and then he walks up to you and you just turn into this skittish little creature. hmmmmm lots and lots of thoughts. especially of the 'i'm gonna take care of you whether you want it or not' variety. keeps protein bars on him to hand to you a few times a shift. fills up your bottle!!! 'he'll do it for you' ohhh girl you just get them. you really get them. i am so excited to work on that fic and hopefully get it out soon! please send me more ideas it's so motivational and i love hearing your thoughts! also if no one has told you already-you should be writing!!!!

[nerves-nebula]

Hi all! I really appreciate how much help I've gotten for Abdul over the past year but we're gonna need even more help. My friend Abdul is facing a big medical issue. TL;DR is that he's in a refugee camp and needs $1,000 very soon for hemorrhoid surgery.

I've attached the text he sent me below plus photos he sent me of him before an interview last week:

DEVASTATING INFORMATION:

Am saddened to inform you that I have been diagnosed with hemorrhoids today am having a lot of pain while going to ease my self, I pass out blood and I can't walk or seat well, When I stand for five minutes I loose blood,

I have been told at the clinic here in gorom refugee settlement to see an Indian surgeon to examine me and if possible go for a surgery before it's too late unfortunately I don't have anyone to help and the surgery might cost me around 1000$.

It can only be done in juba town which is almost 125miles away from gorom refugee camp.

URGENT CALL FOR HELP:

To anyone who sees this please spare what you have to help me because am into a lot of pain and I don't want to die at this time when my colleagues have started to do security Interviews today for USA and only waiting for the medicals to travel to USA.

Please donate to my fundraising page so that i regain my life

Thanks again yours Abdul luyombya

[traffys-heart]

good luck on your exams! wish you the best.

your loser virgin law prompts are sooo good. and i need a place to vent my similar feelings/headcanons

he has a proactive poster of pink poison from the germa series. it’s her posed, wings out and her hands behind her head. one of her legs is bent, almost like a flamingo. obvs it’s literally based on reiju, so when he sees sanji for the first time he’s a little attracted to him since he looks so much like her (and it confuses the hell out of him)

he jerked it to a medical diagram in his teenage years. it was a real picture of a vulva in a book, in comparison to the typical drawing. he got ahead of himself though, failing to realise it was a diagram to help diagnose and recognise thrush.

his first exposure to real porn was during the time he travelled with the straw hats to dressrosa after punk hazard. in the men’s dorm on the bookshelf, not understanding it was sanji’s personal collection. he looks at the images, fascinated and taking notes. he knows the motion of the ocean, but to see how it actually works. what he fails to know is that is a service top magazine. the images were focused on the men pleasuring the woman, and he takes that as how sex goes. he can stay in control, but give his partner as much pleasure as possible.

body fluids is a big no. but the minute he reads about how orgasms can help with period cramps, there’s nothing he would enjoy more. he doesn’t mind blood— he’s used to it from the violence and surgeries he perform— but the idea of the only blood not born out of accident or violence really tickles the freak side of him

i have a couple others, but I wanna hear your opinions first 🤭

yess i feel like ppl on twitter understand better the loser that law truly is!! don’t let his pretty face deceive u he probably has his own spot in the eltingville club

anyways living for one sided sanlaw and law awkwardly staring at sanji during crew interactions which usually gets misinterpreted into glaring daggers at the blond. (tbh for some reason ive always seen sanlaw in the context of coralaw so it never really interested me but this is soooo much better)

jerking it to thrush is insane but tbh if u have never seen pussy before u gotta work w what u got. law getting hard over medical diagrams esp those of women w their breasts exposed or in what he would consider compromising positions is def high up there for some of my fav hcs.

as much as i would love for him to be a skilled pussy eater ik those magazines aren’t teaching him shit </3 im sorry men trying to replicate anything they’ve seen in porn 99/100 times never works and always leaves both parties w embarrassment. that being said, the idea of law developing a fixation of eating u out from porn is hot. he kinda thinks he knows what he’s doing (he doesn’t) but most of the time he just wants to bury his face underneath ur skirt and feel u up.

ive never been comfortable enough to have period sex before so im a little unsure how to breach this topic but i do not see law having a problem w u on ur period when trying to get freaky. he’s a horny surgeon, blood isn’t gonna stop the guy. pls let him finger u while he sucks on ur sore tits bc he’s a doctor and he guarantees it’ll make them feel better. he definitely gets a rush watching the deep red mix with the creamy webs on his hand.

i would love to hear ur other ideas nonnie! i really do love writing for law and seeing other ppl expand upon my own ideas is just the best feeling ever <3

[athletearrhythmia]

What do you think about users like Xykolich and emofreako who torture their hearts beyond the normal limits? You seem close with Xykolich, does it ever worry you knowing what their heart is really like?

Love Xyko, haven't heard from him in a minute so I hope he's doing okay. The details of his story are his to tell but basically his heart was never gonna hold out and deep diving into the hardcore and crazy dark stuff brings him joy so... it's his heart and I'm happy he's happy. In spite of it all I really don't think he's shortening his life; if his heart was healthy then he would be, but his heart is screwed. I do wish I didn't have such a taste for intense dark play but I do, so I'm glad a guy like Xyko exists as an outlet. He's done shit to his failing heart i couldn't have dreamed up in my most twisted fantasies. If that is gonna happen to a real person I'm honestly glad it's happening to someone who really loves it. My only fear is it might inspire copycats: for the love of God, there's one Xyko and there should only ever be one, don't even think about it.

Never interacted much with emo but i love his content. He's been crazy since day one. Doing some of the most hardcore stuff around before it was popular. He's mentioned lately thinking he has HCM and I bet he's right, I'd be curious if he got it formally diagnosed/wanted to share.

Overall to me the super hardcore dark play stuff isn't a problem in itself, it's about community harm reduction. People will copy what they see and they often have no idea how dangerous what they're doing is. Like that one guy in China who keeps hiring twunky sex workers and stabbing needles into their hearts, we had a lengthy back and forth where he insisted i should do it because it's safe. For the one millionth time, it isn't. You can get away with it, you can even get away with it a lot of times, but you only have to be unlucky once and it's open heart surgery if you're lucky. I genuinely fear the day that guy kills a model.

You could debate risking your health in hardcore dark play is a form of self harm but I don't believe in that as a blanket statement. I have seen people do dark play as self harm and I've tried to redirect them then kept my distance, so I don't pressure them inadvertently. Many many more people just find genuine joy in it. To me it's all about informed risk. Really understand what you're about to do, what the consequences could be, and if you're still interested it's your body. Folks, for instance, love to choke each other during sex but there are significant dangers to doing it. Or mixing smoking, poppers and viagra. And on and on. The risk/reward is just gonna have to be yours to determine for yourself.

If you feel like the risks don't matter because you don't matter, babe that's depression please seek help.

[drinkumoo]

A Nurse's Recount of the Past [2]

In which a nurse from the modern day suddenly gets thrown into the Li dynasty after a dumb death.

[ apothecary diaries x gn reader ]

[1] [2] [3]

cw: misgendering mentioned briefly

It had been three months since you “woke up”. Sleep deprivation has somehow followed you here too, like a demented form of jet lag. Even worse, caffeine was strangely difficult to get here. By this time, it hadn’t even been discovered in the west yet, with the scientific revolution still on the rise. Black tea was a form of it, but it’s still relatively unpopular. Not only that, it’s a hard commodity to come by. Even if you could get your hands on it, you doubt it would hit the spot the same way your beloved battery acid labelled as energy drinks do. You even tried to explain to Guen what caffeine is and the gift it is to humanity from the gods. 

—

“Mentor, there’s a drug that’s incredibly invigorating. It’s addictive like spirits, but has the opposite effect of alcohol,” you hum in your little corner of the medical wing, writing in a horizontal format. 

Guen peered up from the grinding wheel at that. A new drug that he wasn’t familiar with? Well, he wasn’t much of an apothecary, so it’s not a shock. Still, this person in the body of his student usually spouted on and on about drugs quite often. Just the other day, they yapped on and on about something called “amphetamines” and “crack cocaine” for at least a couple hours. It was more interesting than whatever his actual student did, so he indulged them. 

“Ah, what drug is that?” Guen chirped, looking back at the herbs he was crushing with the wheel. 

“It’s called caffeine. It’s said to energize the body and renew the energy of the person taking it. The only downside is that once it’s metabolized, it can cause the body to suddenly lose the energy it had gained,” you don’t look up from your writing as you explain this “miracle drug”. You know way too much about crashing out from caffeine drinking. Hell, you’ve passed out once on the emergency room floor during a code blue. A nice security guard dragged you to the nap room reserved for residents, where you woke up confused. 

“Energizing? How so?” Guen was a bit confused. Energizing and energy renewal have multiple forms. Most medicines aided the patient to regain the energy to fight sickness. Aphrodisiacs did something similar, but for a different activity all-together. “Is it like ginseng?”

You pause from writing, seemingly thinking of an appropriate response. “Not really. It uh, wakes you up. I had it once in the west.” 

You’re really hoping this version of you either mentioned studying in the west, or was so closed off they didn’t tak about their education much. 

“I see… What did you take?” So it’s not like ginseng, Guen thought. Maybe it’s an aphrodisiac? 

“Tea. I’ll let you try sometime if I can get my hands on it,” you go back to writing, internally mourning the difficulty it is to get your fix in this day and age. 

—

You continued to write on a blank book Guen gave you. First of all, you treasure it dearly, it’s literally a living relic to someone like you. Secondly, the paper quality seemed very nice, almost like fabric. 

While the previous version of you wrote very basic notes on Guen’s teachings, you wrote everything you remember about medicine from the future. Everything from over-the-counter medication to life saving drugs. Detailed word vomit regarding surgery to the machines that prevented death. To make sure no one could fully decipher it, you wrote in mostly modern calligraphy from left to right. Hey, if the inventors aren’t here, maybe you could end up in a history book someday. 

You tried your best to write in columns, but it always felt unnatural to you. So with a bold-faced lie, you always shrug off Guen’s questions regarding the way you write. “I just write the way I was taught in the west.” 

Today was a little different than writing prescriptions and watching Guen diagnose eunuchs with common ailments. Today was the day Guen (and by proxy, you) went to the Crystal Pavilion to check on Concubine Lihua’s health, alongside checking the health of her baby boy. Walking towards the garden’s that circled the Crystal Pavilions, you could hear the chatter of some of the servants nearby. 

“Oh, that’s the pretty foreign guy!” You heard. You’re not even a dude, but okay. 

“He’s attractive,” Another servant girl agreed. “He looks kind of lost, though…”  

You felt uncomfortable at the accidental misgendering, but it’s not like you could do anything about it. The idea of someone being non-gender conforming was non-existent in this century, let alone gender neutral. Besides, you have “short” (read: shoulder length) hair according to the beauty standards for women, leading to most people assuming you’re a guy. 

You just sigh, slumping over slightly. Under your sleeves, you’re rubbing your arms subconsciously. 

“Are you alright?” You hear Guen murmur your name, and you nod in response. 

“Yeah, just… Weirded out. I’m fine, don’t worry teacher.” 

—

The pavilion was just as elegant as the history books said. The array of blues were an elegant combo of beauty and wealth. Stained hard-wood stood out like prized sculptures. The windows were an ornate, delicate design, despite the simple hardware. It took you an embarrassing amount of restraint to not become a rabid fanatic over the living history surrounding you. 

In Lady Lihua’s chambers, you stay off to the side, feeling two pairs of eyes on you. One pair a brilliant cobalt blue, the other a sharp iris violet. You take a glance over, seeing a eunuch and a very attractive person, assumingly another eunuch next to him. Your eyes widen slightly at the sight of the eunuch. He’s very attractive in your opinion, but you shouldn’t impose. Not here, anyway. Unlike the eunuch, the owner of those violet eyes is dressed far more lavishly. While you don’t care for the value of materials, what they are made into holds more weight. Telling by the shorter eunuch’s appearance, that’s more high quality than what it appears to be. Now that you think about it, he looks a lot like that tragic character from history…

Must be someone important.

Hearing your name from Guen’s lips, you walk over carefully towards the mother and child, Lihua and her baby. Seeing the famous concubine from history has you very giddy, but you manage to hold back your excitement with a stoic expression. Your concern is overriding it, afterall. 

She looks gaunt despite this being your first meeting with her face to face.  Clearly she has lost quite a lot of weight, and that isn’t even from her pregnancy. While you yourself haven’t ever been pregnant, you know enough from the labor and delivery department from your time that mothers who lose so much weight are having other health issues on top of their recovery. 

“... I see. May I speak freely Lady Lihua?” You ask, raising a hand towards your chin. She nods slowly in response before looking at her child in the crib next to her. 

“While I cannot speak of any underlying issues for now, I’d urge you to have light foods like porridge with fruits in filling portions to help you regain some weight,” you speak, nodding your head solemnly whilst glancing at her baby. 

She nods, but it’s already time to go. Guen had already agreed to stay to attend to the prince while you’re off to go attend to Concubine Gyokoyou. You send a quaint nod to Guen, who nods back, before following the two eunuchs outside towards the Jade Pavilion. 

“You must be the doctor’s apprentice, yes?” The shorter eunuch smiles charmingly at you after saying your name. You nod mutely in response.

Ikemen man, huh? The girls from the twenty-first century would go crazy for him.

“I am Jinshi, and this is my guard Gaoshun,” the ikemen, Jinshi adds on. Gaoshun the dilf the other eunuch nods mutely as well. 

“Pleasure to be of service, Master Jinshi, Gaoshun,” your eyes drift back to the road in front of you. 

“Doctor Guen said you’re highly knowledgeable on drug effects,” the purple-haired male hums, regarding you with a polite slime, “and that you were taught medicine overseas?” 

“I was, yes,” you rub your arm sheepishly as you respond. Technically, you are. You went to a university in America before returning home to the Li region. And well, you’re technically a foreigner. Guen even commented on your more foreign features once.

The conversation dropped abruptly, leaving the three of you in a neutral silence. 

Once arriving at the Jade Pavilion, the design felt both striking yet soothing. Fuschia and teal lined the walls, the embroidered flowers a touch of delicate beauty surrounding you. In a way, it felt more comfortable here, like a peony petal versus the deep blue cornflower that is the Crystal Pavilion. Que you holding back another long winded yap session on the architecture of ancient Li. 

Even Lady Gokuyou was like watching history play itself before your eyes. Like Lady Lihua, the books couldn’t describe her beauty. It was like seeing a human peony in front of you. However, her state concerned you immensely, however not the degree Lady Lihua has been in. you immediately took note of the similarities of her health to Concubine Lihua. Same unusual weight loss, same unwell state of her baby girl. You advise her the same advice as Lady Lihua, the same downtrodden look in your eyes. Seeing both women in such states reminded you of the mothers in the hospital. The ones withering away from sickness. The babies in NICU, their laboured breathing always unsettled you. 

You could only hope for both concubines and their children to pull through.

—

You didn���t see the two concubines again until an incident occured.

While walking back from a warehouse storing medical records, you see both Lady Lihua and Lady Gokuyou in the main courtyard, arguing. A loud slap filled the space. Your mentor Guen was there in between the two women, trying to mediate the situation.

“It’s your fault!” You heard from Lihua. 

The concern bubbled up from what you could only assume to be a lady-in-waiting for Lady Gokuyou. She rushed over towards the fallen concubine to assist her. 

“You’re trying to curse my son because your child is a daughter!” Lady Lihua shrieked, her face looking even worse for wear since the last you saw her. You hope she took your advice, but it seems like whatever’s going on with her hasn’t stopped deteriorating her health. 

Lady Gokuyou barked back, “You know that’s absurd! My Xiaoling is sick, too!” 

Whispers filled the crowd regarding the two women as you approached the scene, behind the rest of the group of servants and eunuchs. 

“That’s why I’d like you to examine my daughter’s state as well,” Lady Gokuyou added, glancing at the doctor between them as you tried to get through the crowd, but to no avail. 

“Yes, well…” He hasn’t been at the office as often as of late. You only checked on the two concubines once, as you’re only an apprentice doctor. Every time you’d insist on helping, he’d mention it’s his duty to make sure the health of the highest ranking concubines were adequate. Seeing Lady Gokuyou as the only medical professional was a one-time thing, unfortunately. 

A girl slipped from the crowd, locking eyes with you briefly. It was the same girl who was with her friend while your teacher and yourself were headed to the Crystal Pavilion. You could see it in her eyes; a knowing look. 

So she knows something’s up with the mothers healths, but what is it exactly?

You spot Jinshi and Gaoshun, but your attention is on your mentor. Once the crowd begins to fixate on Jinshi speaking with the concubines, you drift off to Guen.

“Teacher, you need to speak up more,” you scold mixed with a sigh, rubbing your nose bridge, “That was a mess to witness.” 

“I- well.. It’s difficult to watch over the health of not only Lady Gokuyou and Lady Lihua, but also their children! I don’t know how to treat them, but I can see the sickness on them..!” He snaps back, before sighing as well. A soft “sorry” alongside your name leaves his mouth.

While he hasn’t snapped this harshly at you before, it is still jarring to witness. Eh, nothing like what the nurses back in your old job used to say towards you, and that was after the six months of hazing. 

“...I understand Teacher, I’m sorry,” you replied back, softer this time.

—

Just a month has passed, and things haven’t improved. You’d even argue shit thoroughly hit the fan after it was found out the prince, Lady Lihua’s son, had passed. While Xiaoling, Lady Gokuyou’s daughter, was still alive, she wasn’t doing all too well either. Much like her mother. Much like Lady Lihua. 

During an examination with Lady Gokuyou, you stood a couple meters back when that same girl from a month ago was brought in. Your eyes flickered back to her, and you quickly met eyes once more. Lady Gokuyou was doing significantly better now, so was Xiaoling. How or why? You never knew. You’re just glad it turned out to be the case. 

Gokuyou stood up from her stool, holding Xiaoling. Guen retreated back towards you as you glanced over to your mentor. You mostly tuned out the conversation between Jinshi, Gokuyou, and the girl who was revealed to be an apothecary before her employment at the rear palace. Maomao, you think her name was. 

Only when the topic of poison was mentioned did you start tuning back in. Quickly reading the cloth Jinshi brought out from his sleeve, your eyes widened.

How could I have forgotten?! Face powder in this time period is loaded with lead!

Guilt pools to your stomach as you reflect on your appointments with not only Lady Gokuyou, but Lady Lihua as well. No wonder they seemed so unnaturally pale. It was their make-up. You must’ve written it off to just be their health declining, causing such pale faces. Your eyes meet the floor, glazed over in paralyzing shame. 

I could’ve done something. I should’ve known better. 

You aren’t able to hear most of the conversation after that. Ringing filled your ears as panic filled your nerves. You did your best to hide it, but you’re not sure if it did much. Your breathing quickly became shallow as if you couldn’t breathe. Your eyes unfocused as you struggled to comprehend the room around you. The prince didn’t have to die. You let him die. This is your fault.

No. Calm down. You’re overreacting.

Calm down.

Calm down!

Calm down for fuck’s sake! This isn’t the time for this! 

“It is truly a sin to be ignorant,” you finally manage to hear. From who, you’re not sure. While it isn’t comforting, it snaps you out of your panic attack. 

Whoever said that, they’re right. You need to be better. You’re from a time where technology surrounding medicine is at an all time high. You have knowledge beyond what’s available now. 

You need to be a better nurse. For everyone’s sakes.

[slfcare]

life goes on and it will take you with it

#bee tells a story on time and love (for new years', for you) cw grief, cancer mention

In 2024, I lost five people, all family members. Two of them were brother and sister, both had cancer and passed shortly after they were diagnosed. The first never knew the second would be so close to follow. She was my grandmother, in whose guestroom I slept exactly a year ago on New Year’s Eve, next to my mother. While the latter had gone out for breakfast, I found her sitting in the kitchen, still in her nightgown and bonnet. She told me she hadn’t been feeling well, and that my uncle (her second-oldest son) would take her to the doctor’s soon.

We didn’t know, then, that a month later they’d tell her that the stomach-pain she’d been experiencing had been a tumor that had spread everywhere. Another month later she’d be gone. I’d be in a candle-lit room at the funeral home, debating whether I should reach out and touch her hand before they would bolt her casket shut as I was trying to remember every inch of her face through my blurry vision. (It didn’t work.)

Her brother got his diagnosis soon after, and passed peacefully. Their cousin passed in her sleep shortly after him. My great-aunt on my Dad’s side had had Parkinson’s for a while and grew more frail and forgetful by the day, but it still came as a shock when he called to tell me she had taken her last breaths. Then there was my Dad’s cousin, a father of two, a real health-nut. He went for a normal checkup but never went home, because of an aneurysm. He ended up having several heart-attacks during and after surgery, then slipped into a coma and passed on his birthday. My Dad’s best friend was a genius, too, but this year, his aneurysm took everything from him. Last NYE he was celebrating in town, now he’s in a nursing home for the rest of his life.

After such a tumultuous year, I thought it was over. But then, on december 26th, my dearest uncle — the second-oldest son of my late grandmother, who took his mom to the doctor’s only ten months ago — was sent to the ER by his family doctor for pneumonia, and then suffered a stroke today right before he’d head home, for which he’s in surgery as I type this. When my mom told me about him, she added that my dearest cousin’s father was also diagnosed with cancer.

I tallied it up in my head. With everybody I’d lost this year, plus my friend’s grandmother, he’d be the fourth person who was diagnosed with cancer this year.

To be really honest with you all, I think all of it has had a greater impact on me than I’ve been trying to trick myself into believing. It’s been hard trying to wrap my mind around how so many bad things can happen at once. Everywhere I turned, more people passed, got diagnosed with something horrible, or had terrible things happen to them. Not to mention the state of our world right now: the genocide in Palestine, the war in Ukraine, the terrible attacks by Israel, Trump’s presidency and the uncertainty that all of it brings for so many of us. My heart aches for so many people that it forgets to ache for myself. All of this hurt is bigger than I am. I imagine it surpasses me, in some way, and that’s why I can’t really feel it.

The weirdest thing is that despite all of this, life continues. In one of my posts this year, I wrote, life goes on and it will take you with it. It has no choice but to do so. While my grandmother grew weaker, I was just a subway-ride away from her at college, trying to focus on my minor, or celebrate the fact that I got my first job offer because of a school project I had shown her just weeks prior. While three family members passed, I landed an amazing internship. While my uncle had his heart attacks back-to-back, I was planning for my future. A future that, suddenly, so many of my loved ones wouldn’t be there to be a part of.

The fact that life goes on and it will take you with it feels unfair and painful. It means that life was also rushing me past the moments I wasn’t ready to leave behind, like that moment I shared with my grandmother, as we sat in her kitchen the morning of January 1st, 2024. But at the same time, each of these losses taught me the most important lesson of the year: how real strength is born from love, how precious and fleeting the smallest moments are, how each of these moments is like the faintest little light guiding us forward. Because that’s where we must go.

Time has moved us, and the ones before us, past the most hurtful things we can imagine. Time freed my loved ones from their pain and illnesses. Time will allow me to grow with my grief and get used to its weight in the pit of my stomach and my chest. Time will show mercy to us both: see, how it has brought us to 2025?

If you have suffered loss or grief this year, or if you’ve suffered at all, or if this was the best year of your life: I wish you a better new year. Time has taken you this far and it will continue carrying you. As will life. As will love. ♡

[movingmusically]

Hi! Can you do an Austin Butler x gf!reader imagine where Austin is diagnosed with appendicitis and has to get surgery? So like let’s say it’s the day of Austin’s surgery and he’s really nervous but the reader is really supportive and is reassuring him while they’re driving to the hospital. When they get there, Austin and the reader kiss each other and everything before the doctors take Austin to pre-op. Once the surgery is done and Austin is now in his hospital room, the reader sits by his side and waits until he wakes up. Once he wakes up the reader tries to get him water and take care of him, but he’s high on drugs 😭 so he’s like all lovey dovey toward the reader and like very clingy so he just asks the reader to lay with him. A little after that, the nurse comes in to check on Austin and get him ready to go home (you usually go home the same day for appendicitis surgery) so the reader has to get up from the bed, but Austin gets all protective and doesn’t want the reader to leave his side. He doesn’t even let the nurse touch him, saying that the only girl that’s allowed to touch him is his girlfriend. The reader calms him down and lets him now that it’s okay and that the nurse has to get him ready so that they can go home. After finally agreeing to getting dressed, Austin is ready to go home. Once the nurse and reader help him in the car, they finally arrive home. Austin is pretty sore so the ready is obviously very attentive and loving with him, making sure he has everything he needs. Austin insists on laying down, so the reader helps him to the bed and they take a nap together.

You can add anything else if you’d like 😭

I apologize if there’s any typos!

Author’s Note:

Thank you for the request! I loved writing this sweet and fluffy story about Austin being nervous before surgery and clingy afterward. I hope it’s what you were looking for. Enjoy!

Word Count: 2,837

Masterlist

Operation: Love

Austin wasn’t one to complain about pain—he prided himself on being tough, brushing off bruises and scratches as if they were nothing. But when he doubled over in the kitchen, clutching his stomach and hissing through clenched teeth, you knew something was seriously wrong.

“Austin,” you said urgently, rushing to his side. “What’s wrong? Is it your stomach?”

He nodded, sweat beading on his forehead. “Yeah. Feels like… like a knife twisting or something.”

You didn’t hesitate, helping him to his feet and guiding him toward the car. “We’re going to the hospital. Now.”

He protested, of course. “It’s probably just something I ate—”

“Austin,” you cut him off, giving him a look that brooked no argument. “This isn’t up for discussion. Let’s go.”

By the time you got him to the emergency room, he was pale and trembling, the pain worsening with every passing minute. Watching him writhe on the hospital bed while waiting for the doctor was agonising. You stayed by his side, holding his hand, whispering soothing words, though it felt like little comfort.

When the doctor finally came in, her expression was serious but reassuring.

“It’s appendicitis,” she explained. “We’ll need to remove it before it ruptures. The good news is it’s a routine procedure, and you should be able to go home the same day.”

Austin swallowed hard, his free hand balling into a fist. “Surgery?”

“It’s the best option,” the doctor said gently. “You’ll feel a lot better once it’s out.”

You squeezed his hand, giving him a soft smile. “It’s going to be okay, babe. This is a quick surgery, and I’ll be right here the whole time.”

The surgery was scheduled for the next morning, giving you both the night to prepare. You spent the evening coaxing him into drinking clear fluids and distracting him with his favourite movies. But despite your best efforts, you could see the nervousness in his eyes, the way his leg jiggled whenever he thought you weren’t looking.

That night, as you lay in bed together, he finally let his guard down.

“I don’t know why I’m so freaked out,” he admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know it’s a simple surgery, but…”

“But it’s still surgery,” you finished for him, running your fingers through his hair. “It’s okay to be scared, Austin. It doesn’t make you weak.”

He turned his head to look at you, his blue eyes searching yours. “What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing’s going to go wrong,” you said firmly, cupping his face. “You’re in good hands, and I’ll be there as soon as you wake up. You’re stuck with me, Butler.”

That earned you a faint smile, and he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “Thanks, baby.”

The next morning, you could feel the tension radiating off him as you got ready to leave for the hospital. He tried to put on a brave face, but the way he kept fidgeting gave him away.

In the car, his nerves were palpable. His leg bounced restlessly, and he kept rubbing his hands together.

“You okay?” you asked, glancing over at him.

“Yeah,” he muttered, but his tone was far from convincing.

You reached over and placed a hand on his knee, stilling his restless movements. “Austin, look at me.”

He turned to you, his expression vulnerable in a way you rarely saw.

“You’re going to be fine,” you said softly but firmly. “This is just a bump in the road, and by tonight, you’ll be back home, bossing me around like usual.”

That got a small chuckle out of him. “I don’t boss you around.”

“Sure you don’t,” you teased, giving his knee a squeeze. “But seriously, you’ve got this. And I’ll be right there waiting for you when you wake up. Always.”

The parking lot of the hospital loomed ahead all too soon, and as you pulled into a space, you noticed the way his hands gripped the edge of the seat, his knuckles white.

Once inside, you held his hand tightly as you checked him in and waited for the nurse to call his name. He kept glancing at you, like he needed reassurance you weren’t going anywhere.

Finally, a nurse approached, clipboard in hand. “Austin Butler?”

“That’s me,” he said, his voice a little shaky.

The nurse smiled warmly. “We’re ready to get you prepped for surgery.”

Austin’s grip on your hand tightened, and he turned to you, his eyes wide with nervousness.

“Hey,” you said softly, standing on your tiptoes to cup his face in your hands. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

“I’m scared,” he admitted, his voice barely audible.

“I know,” you whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “But you’re stronger than you think. And when you wake up, I’ll be right here, making fun of your hospital gown.”

That earned you a shaky laugh, and he kissed you again, lingering for a moment like he didn’t want to let go.

“I love you,” he said, his voice steady this time.

“I love you too,” you replied, your heart swelling with emotion.

The nurse gave you a moment before gently leading him away. You watched until he disappeared around the corner, your chest tight with worry but your resolve stronger than ever.

“All yours,” you whispered to yourself, taking a deep breath and heading to the waiting room.

The waiting room was cold, sterile, and far too quiet. The hum of fluorescent lights and the occasional ding of the receptionist’s phone were the only sounds keeping you company. You’d been given updates—one nurse had reassured you that everything was proceeding smoothly—but the minutes dragged on like hours.

You tried distracting yourself, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, but nothing could hold your attention. Every time the door opened, your head snapped up, hoping it was a nurse with news.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a doctor in scrubs walked into the room, a small clipboard in hand.

“Miss?” he asked, glancing around.

You stood so fast your chair nearly toppled over. “Yes! Is he okay?”

The doctor gave a kind smile, his voice steady and calm. “The surgery went perfectly. We were able to remove the appendix before it ruptured, and he’s in recovery now. He’ll be groggy for a little while as the anaesthesia wears off, but you can see him shortly.”

Relief hit you like a tidal wave, and you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

The doctor nodded and gestured for you to follow a nurse down the hall. Each step felt lighter than the last, the knot of worry in your chest slowly loosening.

When you entered the recovery room, Austin was propped up in the hospital bed, his head lolled slightly to one side. His eyes were closed, and his usually perfect hair was a mess, sticking up at odd angles. The sight made your heart ache with affection.

You moved quietly to his side, pulling a chair closer to the bed and sitting down. Gently, you reached for his hand, threading your fingers through his. His skin was warm, his grip surprisingly strong despite how out of it he looked.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” you said softly, brushing your thumb over his knuckles.

Austin’s eyes fluttered open, and he blinked a few times before focusing on you. A lazy, lopsided smile spread across his face.

“Baby?” His voice was rough, thick with grogginess.

“I’m here,” you murmured, leaning closer so he could see you clearly.

“Hi,” he said, his tone slow and dreamy, like he was discovering you for the first time. “You’re so pretty.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, warmth spreading through your chest. “Thanks, handsome. How are you feeling?”

“Great,” he said with a sigh, his head lolling back against the pillow. “Everything’s so… floaty. And you’re here. Perfect.”

His free hand reached up, clumsily brushing against your cheek. “I love you. Did I say that already? I love you so much. You’re, like… my favourite person. Ever.”

“You might’ve mentioned it,” you said with a soft laugh, though your cheeks were starting to burn.

“Good,” he said firmly—or at least as firmly as someone still high on anaesthesia could manage. “’Cause it’s true. Don’t want you to forget.”

His words were slurred but so heartfelt that they made your chest tighten. You leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I won’t forget. Promise.”

Austin made a contented sound, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before they snapped open again. “Wait. Where’re you going?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you assured him, squeezing his hand.

“Good. Can’t go. Need you. You’re the best nurse ever. Prettiest, too,” he added, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

You laughed again, resting your chin on the edge of the bed. “You’re a handful, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you love me,” he said, grinning like a smug toddler. “And I love you. So much. Like… infinity.”

Before you could respond, he tugged at your arm, trying to pull you closer. “C’mere. Lay with me.”

“Austin, you’re in a hospital bed,” you said gently, though you didn’t move away.

“Don’t care. Wanna cuddle,” he insisted, his voice taking on a petulant edge.

You glanced around the room, checking to see if a nurse was nearby, then carefully climbed onto the narrow bed, resting beside him. His arm immediately wrapped around you, pulling you close as he let out a satisfied sigh.

“See? Perfect,” he murmured, nuzzling into your shoulder. “Best nap ever.”

You couldn’t help but smile, your fingers gently brushing through his messy hair. “You’re impossible.”

“Perfectly possible,” he countered sleepily, a proud grin tugging at his lips.

You stayed like that for a while, the steady sound of his breathing lulling you into a state of calm. He mumbled occasionally, little declarations of love and nonsensical compliments—“Your hair smells like sunshine” and “I’d fight a dragon for you”—that made you laugh quietly to yourself.

The peaceful moment was interrupted by the soft knock of the nurse entering the room. You shifted to sit up, but Austin’s arm tightened around you like a vice.

“No,” he mumbled stubbornly, burying his face into your shoulder. “Stay.”

You laughed softly and stroked his hair. “Austin, I’m not going anywhere. The nurse just needs to check on you.”

The nurse, a woman in her late forties with a kind smile, approached the bedside with her clipboard. “Good afternoon, Mr Butler. How are you feeling?”

Austin peeked out from his spot against your shoulder, his gaze narrowing suspiciously. “She’s the only one allowed to touch me,” he declared, his voice slurred but resolute as he pointed at you.

The nurse blinked in surprise before her lips quirked into an amused smile. “I promise, I’ll be gentle. Just need to check your vitals so we can get you ready to go home.”

Austin shook his head, his grip on you tightening. “Nope. Not happening.”

“Austin,” you said gently, pulling back just enough to look at him. “It’s okay. She’s just doing her job, and the sooner she’s done, the sooner we can leave.”

“But…” His lips turned down into a pout, his big blue eyes pleading with you. “I don’t like her touching me.”

The nurse chuckled softly, clearly used to patients in post-op haze. “I promise, it’ll be quick, and I’ll only touch what I absolutely have to.”

You cupped Austin’s face, tilting it so he’d focus on you. “Babe, you trust me, right?”

“Always,” he said immediately, his expression softening.

“Then trust me when I say it’s okay. She’s helping us get out of here, and I’ll be right here the whole time,” you reassured him.

Austin huffed dramatically, but he reluctantly loosened his hold on you. “Fine. But only ’cause you said so.”

The nurse gave you an approving smile as she got to work, checking his vitals and giving him instructions for post-surgery care. Austin endured it all with the patience of a grumpy cat, his eyes darting to you every few seconds as if to ensure you hadn’t left.

When it came time for him to get dressed, his stubborn streak reappeared.

“Can’t I just stay like this?” he asked, gesturing to his hospital gown.

You raised an eyebrow, smirking. “You want to walk out of here in a backless gown?”

He grumbled but finally allowed you and the nurse to help him into his sweatpants and hoodie. Once he was dressed, the nurse left to grab the discharge paperwork.

“I don’t like her,” Austin muttered as you helped him sit back down on the bed.

You laughed, shaking your head. “She’s just doing her job. Be nice.”

“She’s not you,” he said simply, as if that explained everything.

After signing the paperwork, you helped Austin into the car, his movements slow and stiff. He winced as he lowered himself into the passenger seat, and you quickly adjusted the seatbelt for him.

“Comfortable?” you asked, brushing his hair back from his forehead.

“Would be better if I was in bed,” he grumbled, though he leaned into your touch.

“We’re almost there,” you said with a smile, closing the door and walking around to the driver’s side.

By the time you pulled into the driveway, Austin was clearly feeling the effects of the surgery and the long day. His movements were sluggish, and he winced as he tried to unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Wait, let me help,” you said quickly, reaching over to unclip the buckle and gently ease it off him.

“Thanks,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

You came around to his side of the car and helped him out, one arm looped securely around his waist. He leaned heavily on you, his usual graceful movements replaced by slow, careful steps.

“How’s the pain?” you asked as you guided him toward the door.

“Not great,” he admitted with a grimace. “It’s like someone punched me in the stomach and then sat on me for good measure.”

You gave him a sympathetic smile, unlocking the door and helping him inside. “Alright, let’s get you to bed so you can rest. I’ll grab anything you need.”

“No arguments here,” he muttered, sinking onto the couch as soon as you were inside.

You crouched in front of him, your hands resting gently on his knees. “You okay to walk to the bedroom, or do you want to sit here for a bit?”

“I can make it,” he said, though he sounded doubtful.

“Come on,” you said softly, standing and offering him your hand. “I’ve got you.”

He leaned on you as you walked to the bedroom, his arm slung over your shoulders for support. You moved slowly, matching his pace, until he finally eased himself onto the bed with a groan of relief.

“Better?” you asked, adjusting the pillows behind him and pulling the blankets up over his legs.

“Getting there,” he mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment before opening again. He gave you a sleepy smile. “You’re the best. Can I keep you forever?”

You leaned down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I think you’ve already got me, Butler.”

“Good,” he murmured, his eyelids drooping. “Don’t ever leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Now, do you need anything? Water, pain meds, a snack?”

“Just you,” he said softly, reaching for your hand, his grip surprisingly strong despite his grogginess. “Lay with me?”

You hesitated for a moment, glancing at the time. “I should get you some water and check your meds first—”

“Please?” he whispered, his voice so soft and vulnerable that it tugged at your heart.

“Alright,” you relented, kicking off your shoes and slipping under the covers beside him. “But if you need anything, you have to let me know, okay?”

“Deal,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around your waist as you settled in next to him.

You carefully rested your head on his shoulder, mindful of his soreness, and let your hand rest on his chest. He exhaled deeply, his entire body relaxing against yours.

“This is nice,” he mumbled, his voice thick with exhaustion. “Feels like everything’s better when you’re here.”

Your heart swelled at his words, and you pressed a gentle kiss to his jaw. “I’m not going anywhere, babe. Just close your eyes and rest.”

Within minutes, his breathing slowed, and you felt the tension melt from his body. You stayed awake a little longer, watching him sleep, your fingers brushing lightly through his hair.

Finally, you let yourself relax, the steady rhythm of his breathing lulling you into a peaceful sleep beside him. Whatever the day had thrown at you both, this was all that mattered—being here for each other, no matter what.

[spread-the-influence]

so how would you diagnose everyone actually im curious

well , there's the obvious ! i think pomni and ragatha has autism ( i feel like they get Too interested with stuff ) with ragatha having adhd ( that woman gets distracted easily i promise you ) , gangle has bipolar disorder ( it's literally written all over her ) , jax and zooble has aspd ( they both have that chronic boredom™ ) and everyone pretty much gets ptsd after the influence .

buttt , if we're getting detailed then . um ! slowly pulls in ragatha

Undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder - i'm sorry for dropping this fucking mouthful it's the psychology autism this woman has crushingly low self-worth to the point it's kind of concerning . like it's worrying how non-existent it is . she relies a Lot on others to replace her lack of self-worth and needs them more than they need her . also , she just fits a lot of the quiet bpd type . like , becoming obsessed with a specific person ? fear of rejection and being alone ? inwardly directed hostility ? taking small things personally ? having a hard time talking about your feelings ? extreme people pleasing ??? she's not beating both the woman enjoyer And bpd allegations as you can see All Of This got Exacerbated when she was infected

Tryphanophobia (Fear of Needles) - this one is just This AU's Ragatha thing so there's no canon evidence behind it . needles is an oversimplification but it's a big one — she just has a fear of anything medical really . especially anything related to surgeries . there's still a fear of centipedes because a ragatha is not complete without a fear of centipedes

Psychosis - psychosis isn't a Diagnosis but rather a condition that could be a symptom of a mental health disorder . i'm only putting it as just psychosis because i'm nooottt exactly sure what psychotic disorder this falls under as it's not exactly schizophrenia this only really got developed post-fluence . when stressed , she sometimes hears voices of the circus members , and sometimes she hears them . she also vehemently believed she might still be infected with the virus for a while . i like to sometimes think she gets a schizophrenia diagnosis when she's out of the circus (:

[makeyoumine69]

Hello dear people in my beloved American Psycho fandom! I couldn't force myself to write this post because I didn't know how to do it, but I think now is the right time. I promised myself not to bring personal stuff into my writing, but since one thing affects another, I think I should finally speak up.

This year started pretty bad for me, I was suffering from a huge apathy and my mental health was probably in the worst state in the last few years. I had to cut ties with a lot of people and distance myself, and I'm really sorry for doing that, but I had no choice because I was literally dying from the inside. When I came back to Tumblr in 2022, I was absolutely alone and I had no friends, no followers and in some ways I felt calm and peaceful. I always thought and probably still think that I should be alone and isolated from everyone, like a soulless writing machine just producing fanfictions for people to consume. Maybe this is not a bad thing, because interacting with people always carries the risk of getting bruised?

Anyway, the thing that broke me completely was the news I received in the last days of January that I would be fired in February because my company decided to close the project I was working on due to the high inflation and bad economic situation in Russia. So now I have to find a job within February because I have a lot of financial responsobilities like paying for the medical treatment my family is getting. My grandmother was diagnosed with kidney cancer and her surgery was paid for by me and my fiancé, but the medicine costs a lot, so… after I told my mom about my news, she blamed me for everything. I was not really surprised though, considering that I have been having fights with my whole family for the past few months over different topics, but mostly they hate me for my political opinions. Whenever I say that I am tired of the war, sanctions and all the other stuff that 2022 has brought, they call me a fucking traitor. My family is ready to cancel me just because I told them I was tired of living in isolation, that I had even forgotten what my life was like before the war. My fiancé is literally the only person in my family who supports me, and even though I'm going to lose my job, he told me he would do anything for me, for us, but I don't want to be a burden. I'm really scared about the future, I think I really am now.

So, I'm sorry for not finishing the Christmas fics I promised to post, I'll try to finish them soon. Also, I'm sorry for not being active with fulfilling the requests and replying to your asks. I'm really sorry. And I know some of you might think that why I keep writing new series and working on different stuff while I have WIPs I need to finish—I'm just trying to follow my muse and I can say that it's really unstable these days, but I'm really trying to do my best and deliver something good for all of you!

I also want to thank all of you who have supported me with your donations! It means the world to me! Unfortunately, my account on the platform I was using for donations has been suspended because of… DOLLARS! They think I'm a scammer or something because the dollar is such a cursed currency in Russia right now, so I don't know if they'll unban my account, I hope they will.

Okay, that was longer than I thought it would be. To end this crazy rant, I just want to thank you guys for sticking with me no matter how fucked up I might be! I believe that one day I will find my way back to myself so that I can come back strong and refreshed!